The Universe...and The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction is the ability to attract into our lives, whatever we are focusing on. Simply put, whatever you are thinking about, is drawn towards you.  I have believed this to be true for a lot longer than I realized.  I also believe that our Universe works in mysterious ways.  I have always felt that positivity is at the root of my soul, and have been told I am an optimistic person.  I would agree, I am.  I believe that when you do good things in the world, good will come to you.  Some might call this Karma.

I have been struggling with my religious beliefs since February.  I am still currently on sabbatical from the Catholic church.  I am a spiritual being, but haven't been able to practice organized religion since listening to a sermon where I felt unwelcome because I am divorced.*  The Universe gives us what we need though, when we need it.

My city has a talented community of artisans.  Supporting the arts and our artisans, on the first Friday of each month, downtown Bloomington hosts a Gallery Walk.  Nine galleries, all within walking distance of one another, offer appetizers and beverages of some type, and stay open from 5-8 pm. I haven't attended as frequently as I'd like, but this past Friday, one of my artist friends had a painting that would be on display.  I made plans to be at the gallery displaying her work when I knew she would also be there.  We snacked and admired all the paintings, pottery, and sculptures before heading to another one of our favorite galleries.  As we walked down the sidewalk, I saw a familiar lady across the street holding open a door, and beckoning us to enter her building.  I yelled hello across to her, but said we were on our way to a gallery.  My friend started across the street and said, 'Come on, let's go in! It's beautiful there. I've been inside for watercolor society meetings."  I followed, then introduced her to my former mother-in-law.  "Cassidy," I said "This is Kate, my next door neighbor." I knew Cassidy had no idea that we were heading into a church service.  Part of the healing process that I've needed to do is to separate my former MIL from her son. I am working on allowing our relationship to be mended.  Earlier in the week I had been dining with Kate, and she had mentioned the Friday Vespers that would be happening at church.  See, this used to be my church for over 15 years.  I all ready knew it is beautiful inside.  In fact, there is so much that I know about it.  If only I had a chance to tell my friend, and pull her back before she started across the street. I wasn't sure I could emotionally handle this building in my life yet. But, the Universe gives us what we need, when we need it.   

We were inside and now heading towards the sanctuary where live jazz was enticing all within earshot to come and listen.  I was greeted by familiar faces with hugs, and words of joy, "I'm so happy to see you."  The words and hugs were heartfelt.

We picked a pew in the back of the church and sat down to listen to the music and singing.  I thought maybe we could find a moment to sneak out before the service got started.  My MIL, whose job as greeter was now over, entered the sanctuary and made her way back to sit next to me.  This was now going to be more of a challenge to leave.  I could walk though, if this became too emotionally difficult.  When it came time for us to sing the first song, my MIL reached out to stead her side of my bulletin because I had offered and was sharing it with her.  Cassidy chucked under her breathe.  We hadn't talked about leaving early, but I suspect she had been having the same thoughts.  We were now all in. We were meant to absorb what the universe was offering.  We needed to be in this moment.  

This service was called a Vesper Service, which means a sunset prayer.  As the service went on, I felt it was more meditative in nature.  It offered soft words that were meant to calm the chaos of life.  The minister, whom I have known for what seems like forever, spoke in her positive tone. She and I are kindred spirits, and I felt the connection once again.  I was being drawn into her positivity.  The service was about balance and letting go of those things in our life we need to let go.  After singing psalms, and poems of peace, there was a period when communion and prayer time was offered. This is a church that accepts all, and they mean all. No one is turned away. At this service, the church had several stations set up as alternative ways to be one with God. You could choose communion, you could lay your hands on a large globe and say a prayer for someone else in the world, you could go to the back narthex and draw a small picture, you could choose to light a candle as an offering, or you could write something on a piece of paper to let go.  The paper could be placed into a bowl of water, stirred, and then melt away...releasing you from whatever you were holding on to.  Cassidy looked at me at this point.  She said, "Did you need to be here?" I felt her question was rhetorical, but responded any way, "I think I did."  She asked if I wanted to participate in any of the stations.  I said yes, and asked if she minded because this had not been part of how I thought we'd spend the evening.  She gave me a smile of friendship and said she was happy to stay.  It was in that moment that we both realized that the Universe was actually working some kind of magic.  I decided I needed communion, because I needed to feel nourished by God, and I needed to release, by writing on one of those small bits of paper.

First Christian Church
Bloomington, Indiana

I went forward and the minister's smile radiated down on me, "Lisa," she said, "You are loved, and there isn't anything you can do about it."  I told her I might cry.  The lump in my throat was not from the gluten free bread and wine I ate.  I went towards the back of the sanctuary and I wrote, I am letting go of ----- There is joy in my heart and love, and peace, and happiness, and I am grateful.  I choose love, understanding and peace.  As I swirled the paper around inside the glass bowl, I saw it melt away as the ink from my words floated to the surface.  My words were mixing now with the words from others.  I was released. I looked up at the front of the church.  The tree of life stained glass window still looks as beautiful as I recall. I could hear the spirit of my father-in-law's voice and feel the pressure of his hand on my right shoulder. So many times he had signaled me to go forward when it was time to serve communion to the congregation. I recalled my own children being baptized in the waters of the baptistery just beneath the tree of life years ago. Their baptism was by immersion.  My children were old enough to make the commitment and know what it meant. I taught vacation bible school in this building and did children's ministry every Sunday for the first five years I was back in town. I have been a very active person in this place.  So much personal history is in these walls.  

I believe the Universe was speaking to me tonight.  I have given so much and now it was time for me to receive back.  I need to be able to heal completely so I can move forward in my life. Thank you Universe.  Maybe my sabbatical from church is nearing it's end?

My soul was shattered and my spirit was broken. 
Life is a forever forward moving process.  
I am open Universe, 
please continue giving me what I need, 
when I am ready for it.  


~Lisa Kroll 
     eating, praying and loving



-----
*my feelings.  The church didn't say, Lisa you are not welcomed.  I just don't like being made to feel like a sinner for being human and living life while always trying to do the right thing.

Old Music...Person B's Perspective: How Divorce Effects the Entire Family

There are some tasks that we just never take time to complete.  
Tasks that we think, some day I'll get to that.  

Christmas Night, 2015
I had my house all to myself.  

Divorce changes the holidays.  
I am no longer part of my in-laws celebrations.  Ties have been cut.  I am told that I will always be part of the family, but quite honestly, that's not true.  I have been set free.  If I am allowed to celebrate, it is at a separate time.  
Changes.  
New traditions? 
Possibly. 

My Christmas stocking no longer hangs on the fireplace at the house next door.  
No longer will I be asked to contribute to making food for the feast.  
Touches of me remain however.  Ornaments I made by hand are still put up on the tree.  Decorations I purchased sit around the room.  But physically, I am not there.  I sit next door.  Alone.  Contemplating my solitude.  
I am good.  And I AM mentally good.  

In a divorce the couple, whose marriage is ending, must process the changes.  Usually one of those two people (person A) is farther along in the process.  They are typically the person who files and hands the other person (person B) their dismal papers.  Consequently, person B may be at a disadvantage, they need to catch up with the emotions that spill out.  Maybe they were blindsided.  Maybe they assumed what was happening was just a normal part of a long time marriage, as children age and leave the nest. 

Regardless, the emotional playing field is not equal.   There are five stages of grief that, even in the death of a marriage, person B must go through.  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  

Having experienced the great loss of holding my mom's hand as she took her last breath after her seven month battle with Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM), stage four brain cancer, I am well aware of these stages.  These stages do not necessarily come and visit in a set order.  Nor do they visit just once and leave.  

I am hoping that I am nearing the stage of Acceptance.  My ex has certainly moved on.  I hear he's applied for a marriage license, just six months after our divorce, and he's buying a nice big house for his new "family".  I've also heard he has been telling others that he socked away money while we were married.  Hmm.  What a catch!  

The Anger Stage.  I have recently been visiting here again.  I'm not angry with what I am going through.  Quite the opposite.  In fact, I am grateful for the me that I have allowed to surface again.  I really like me.  I won't brag, but I have found there isn't anything I can't do when I put my mind to it.  I have also discovered the vast number of friends I have.  In the "olden days", I was told I called too many people my friend.  HAHAHAHA!!!!!  Never!  Oh, I still have moments when loneliness strikes.  Being alone is easy, being lonely, not so much.  No holding this girl down though.  I was reminded at Christmas with this Superwoman key chain gift.  

I am in the Anger stage for my children.  I feel my children are being discarded.  They no longer offer any thing person A can use, or benefit from.  They are adults.  No longer are they cute little children who turn to their parents for every little thing.  No longer do they laugh at all jokes.  No longer do they put their parents up on the pedestals that young children do.  They cannot be told 'go to bed', 'be home by...', 'No', 'because I said so", etc.  They are ready to move forward and be their own people, as they should.  They have opinions.  They question.  They have started to experience life.  

What I know... is that children, no matter how old, need to believe the best in their parents.  They want to be loved.  They want to know they can count on their parents/guardians/grandparents for unconditional love.

Divorce causes children to be forced to experience the stages of grief as well. I wish I could protect my children from this.  I have not been able to step aside in this process and ask them how they are doing.  I just haven't been able to be that strong.  I was broken myself.  Maybe now as I am feeling Acceptance upon me, I am able to see what my own two children have had to deal with.  I am so sorry for them.  Everything they believed about their childhood has been pulled out from under them. The foundation they once thought was so strong has been shattered.  All I can offer them is my love, my acceptance and my unconditional love.  

By the forward relationships they have with person A and person B, they get to continue to form their own opinions.  They get to discover truths on their own.  Life is made up of constant change.  How we handle that change defines us as individuals.  

Last night (Christmas night) I meant to blog.  Instead, I did one of those tasks I would someday get to...I listened to all the unnamed tracks on my iTunes list.  A simple little job, but one my precious time is never allowed to get to.  All tracks have been named!  My discovery?  I have a nice collection of Madonna's music.  

So tonight, I am one strong woman listening to another strong woman, knowing I helped create two strong children.  My children are the best parts of both of their parents.  Of course I'm positive they have 51% of their mom in them.  

~Lisa Scubelek-Kroll

blogging music tonight:  All Madonna...Vogue, Cherish, Crazy For You, Justify My Love, La Isla Bonita, Like a Prayer, Like a Virgin, Live to Tell, Material Girl, Open Your Heart, Papa Don't Preach, Express Yourself

Dinner with the REAL Batman!

 Last week was Easter and being a good daughter-in-law, I helped my MIL and played hostess to three of her six international students that she is hosting.  Missing from these pictures are my husband and his dad.  They were here, but Pops was having a very bad day and I didn't get any photos of those two.  My husband was attending to his dad while I was with "the kids".

I have mentioned it before, but my MIL has hosted students for at least the past 50 years through a group called Bloomington Worldwide Friendship.  The students attend Indiana University and do not live with my in-laws.  They are regular students, but without family here, they are invited to share holidays, etc with us...regular American folk!

My MIL with Julia, Chen and Terrance

 Hopefully these students aren't too warped by their interactions with our family.  My MIL makes them listen to her dinner prayer, eat our interesting combinations of food (Strawberry Jello Salad at this meal), and listen to her stories of old.

Me with all the "kids"...my own two on either side of me

 When my husband and I were first married, I was a bit intimidated by the students my in-laws hosted.  For one thing, they were more brave then me; heading to another country, very far away from home, to study. Secondly, they always seem more worldly then me and they speak at least two languages.

But, over the years as I have aged and become a mother, I realize how nice it is to be able to provide a tiny little feeling of home...albeit someone else's home, but a home none the less...to a "child" who is away from their own safe environment.

Most of the time for me now, I like to hear the student's stories.  What brought them our way? What are their interest?  How are they similar or different to my own children?  What's their family like?  How do they like our town?  When else have they traveled in the US?  My curiosity runs deep!

At dinner last Sunday, Chen, and I believe this is his last name but he was kind enough to go by it for my MIL since I bet she had trouble saying his real first name, mentioned having to get rabies shots!  The light bulb went off in my head, THIS is the student my MIL mentioned was bitten by a bat!

Here's the article from our paper:  HeraldTimesOnline.com

IU student bitten by rabid bat in dorm room

By Dann Denny331-4350 | ddenny@heraldt.com
March 26, 2012

An Indiana University student was bitten in his sleep early last Wednesday morning by a rabid bat that apparently flew into his Teter Quad room, possibly through a torn window screen.
Indiana University spokesman Mark Land said the student, who was bitten on the hand, shook the bat off in the hallway and went back to sleep. The bat was later found alive in the hallway by a residential hall employee who called an IU environmental health services pest control worker, who collected the bat and sent it to the Indiana State Department of Health for testing. The bat, which died en route to the lab, was found to be infected with rabies.
“No one can recall the last time someone on campus has been bitten by a bat,” Land said. “There are certainly no shortage of bats around campus, but there were only three reports last year from people who found a bat in their room or in the Union. We can’t remember anyone being bitten prior to this incident.”
Land said the University is trying to determine precisely how the bat got into the student’s room, and checking areas around the dorm to make sure there are no bat infestations there.
The bitten student, along with his roommate and the pest control worker who transported the bat, are all undergoing a regimen of rabies shots — one dose of rabies immune globulin plus four doses of rabies vaccine over a 14-day period. The vaccine shots are given in the arm and are relatively painless, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention web site.
“The student is doing fine as far as we know,” Land said.
Ken Severson, spokesman for the Indiana State Department of Health, said three bats have tested positive for rabies so far in 2012, all last week. Two of the bats were from Allen County and one was from Monroe County.
He said all bat bites must be reported to local health departments, adding that 33 bats tested positive in Indiana in 2011.

*****There was some more statistical and what to do information shares, but I am leaving that off here. *****

Chen told us the story in his own words.  He had been sleeping and felt something large fall on him.  In his sleepy state, he brushed off whatever it was and that is when he was bitten.  He told us about his getting up and leaving the room.  Then he realized his cell phone was still in the room...as was his sleeping roommate!  The roommate slept on, even as Chen called for him again and again to wake up!  At some point the bat did end up in the hallway.  Big, burly male students were seen hiding in the bathroom trying to stay away from the bat, who was eventually caught.

I couldn't resist teasing Chen and asking him if he finds he has a craving for blood now.  :)  He laughed and then told how he was heading to class later on and walked up behind two students who were talking about the incident (obviously not knowing he was the Batman) and said they wondered if he could see his reflection in the mirror!  Chen said he's heard a lot of Twilight/Vampire jokes.  Of course I asked if I could have my picture with him...and I told him I'd be posting it on FB!

Chen happens to live in the same dorm as my own son, but a different wing.  Yikes!

Hootie with our local infamous, Batman!  

I think the day that I will be hosting my own students is drawing nearer.  But for now, I'll continue to piggy-back as hostess for my MIL.

Forgotten...update 1/20

I am sure that this emotional roller coaster I am on can and will continue for some time!  I hope any readers that I do have will be able to bear with me.

Today, I went by early to see my FIL...when my MIL wasn't around.  See, if she is there and she sees you walk in she will loudly say, "Well, look who is here, it's your (fill in connection), (fill in appropriate name)."

That is fine, but my FIL has still stared at us after she's said that with a look that says I should know you, but I don't.  


So I dropped by early today.  Dad seemed more alert.  I have checked his medications and they should not be causing him to have cognitive problems.  I asked if he remembered my name and he told me he'd tell me later.  His speech was pretty slow and labored...like he was really thinking about what he wanted to say.  Later on the speech therapist came to work with him.  He looked at me but spoke to her and he asked if she knew who I was.  She said yes and then was going to make the connection for him but I stopped her.  I asked him if he was ready to tell her who I was.  He not only got my name, but he knew I was his DIL and who I was married to.  He also identified my daughter, who had texted me...yes, she is at high school, when I said I had just heard from her.  He even knew how old she was!!!

A good morning.  :)

It's a really nice feeling when you can see hints of who a person is still inside of them.  Aging pretty much sucks though.  Especially watching it happen so up close and personally.  Thanks friends for being on this ride with me.  Special hugs to Lauranie and Leslie.  xoxoxo

Forgotten...

Shortly after I met my future husband, my own father passed away.

My father was my first love and I did put him up on a pedestal.  When he died suddenly I was devastated but, I was 21 and my relationship with my dad had evolved.

Still, I loved having a father figure in my life.  Someone I could have things in common with (my love of the beach and ocean), someone I could do things with (take my kids fishing when they were little), someone who seemed proud of what I was doing in my life and someone I could ask advice from and I knew they had my best interests in mind.

*****

Naturally my Father-in-Law (FIL) ended up filling that bill for my need to have a father still in my life.  I have been such a lucky girl!  

with my FIL...October 2011

About 14 years ago my husband and I were able to move back to his hometown...where his parents still lived.  Almost four years ago we were fortunate enough to purchase the house right next door to my in-laws.  Right next to the house my husband grew up in!  Maybe 40 feet away from my hubby's old bedroom!  When we bought the house, the folks who lived in it (for the most recent 25 years past), commented that this was exactly what they hoped and dreamed would happen.  If you ever met my in-laws you would understand why, they are wonderful people.  I do feel truly blessed that my life has played out as it has.

*****

Three weeks ago though my FIL, who is 86 and surprisingly enough is aging, hit a little bump in life.  He has spent his recent time going back and forth from the hospital to a nearby nursing home rehab facility.  He has not been home...nor is he okay.  If you talk to my MIL, she'll sing a different song than I do.  I understand, he is just my father-in-law...he is not my husband or dad.

Two days ago my FIL didn't remember who I was.  Because I had been there at 4 in the afternoon, I thought maybe he was just tired and needed rest.  I went back yesterday at noon.  No change.  I am still struggling to deal with this.  I am gun shy on going back today.  What a chicken I am.

Could this be medication induced?  Or is this just where things have progressed with his dementia?

Family members who do not live nearby do not call or email me to ask how things are going.  Life goes on and that's fine.  Really it is.  I don't even know what to say anymore.

I am very glad we gently pushed for all to come a visit my FIL this past fall.

Families...

I've had a very interesting holiday time this year. I have a ton to share, but it won't happen in order. My FIL has spent most of the last week in the hospital, but returned home today. At 85, dehydration can really mess up a body! Above is a photo from this afternoon. I am with my nephew who started my nickname, Hootie, when he first was learning how to talk. Time flies - he is 14 now and I am wearing heals! He and his dad flew back home tonight. They didn't expect to hang out in the hospital this week, but I guess most people don't really ever plan on that. My nephew did get to do a little hiking, rock-wall climbing, roller skating, movie watching, wii playing, eating out, etc with his cousins. I know this seems strange to say, but everything seemed low key this visit. I am thankful for even the little bit of time I had with my nephew these past few days.

Choices?...with a little bit of venting...

Did you ever feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place in the choices you need to make?

I have several "issues" I am stuck on.

#1) My daughter is at driver's ed right now. She will be completely done with the driving part in about 20 minutes. Driver's Ed has been fine. The class room stuff is still boring as ever. It's the driving instructor that has bothered me. My daughter has only had to drive for 6 hours.

Here are my DE Instructor issues:

*During the daily driving time, my daughter's instructor has been 10-15 minutes late each time and ended early (10 minutes) just about each time too. There have been two students in the car...so 2 hours of in the car time is really only 1 1/2 hrs of real time. I am not too worried about the driving time my daughter has received because she can't get her license until next February and I'm sure she'll drive a ton between then and now.

*The driving instructor chats on his cell phone while "teaching" his students.

*Today I received text messages from my daughter while she was first stopped at a bank in a nearby city (he had banking he needed to do) and then while stopped at a gas station (so he could get breakfast).

I feel like I need to complain to the driving school. Maybe my best solution will be to remember his name and tell my friends to NOT let their children drive with him.

I think my daughter is learning, but I expect more, better, from a teacher. In the end, I think this bothered me and NOT my daughter.

*****

#2) I have a relative who is staying with my in-laws/next door neighbors who is an alcoholic (although he doesn't admit it) and I am pretty sure I saw him taking a swig of something out at his car this morning...at 9:15. If it was water, why'd he have to come out to his car?

I went over to take dinner to my neighbors last night (my MIL fractured her pelvis four weeks ago and is using crutches to get around) and that relative definitely smelled of alcohol. And just a few nights before that he came home from "work" and was so "exhausted" he passed out on his bed at 5:30 pm. Hmmm. I wasn't over there, so I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing it wasn't exhaustion he passed out from. The problem I have is, what do I do?

We had a pretty major -personal- incident with him about six weeks ago (another story). We try to avoid him at all costs; but IMO this is stressing my relationship with my neighbors. Basically this BIL is unemployed and not trying very hard to get employed. He owns a house a few hours away, but he's been living here, with my in-laws, for the past three months...only going to his house on the weekends to mow the grass. With a friend, from his childhood days, who is finding odd jobs for him here and a mom (and silent, although opinionated, dad) who is willing to "support" him, I don't expect anything to change for my BIL.

I am happy that he has some work to do, but I am not happy that he is here. I definitely don't like the fact that he seems to be drinking and driving either or taking advantage of my in-laws (that last comment is totally my opinion!). My in-laws are 83 and soon to be 85 years-old. The 83 year-old is the one with the fractured pelvis.

And now this relative has met a girl on-line. He's supposedly heading to meet her (she lives in another state far, far away). Wow, I have a ton of opinions and stories I could share about this too. Maybe another time. Maybe not.

*****

So, since I've been writing this my daughter is now done with driver's ed (she was done 10 minutes early) and my relative has left the house next door (probably for the day).

I think I just needed to vent. I know that if it wasn't so humid and hot out I'd be off walking W instead of writing.

Anyone have any opinions they'd like to share? I'm listening.

Oldies...but goodies!

This afternoon my husband and I chaperoned my mother and father in-law and 16 of their friends.  We went to see a play at the nearby Brown County Playhouse.   The play was called, There Goes the Bride!  The comedy started from the moment we stepped foot into the theatre.  Our seats had been double booked and were all ready occupied as we went to sit down.  Now I don't really mind being shifted out of my seat, but some of the rowdy crowd we were with started complaining.  They wanted to sit by their friends!  It made me laugh because if you've been in this playhouse then you know there isn't a bad seat in the place.  Also, who talks during any production?  Why does it matter who one sits next to once the lights dim?  As it was the show was delayed by 10 minutes.  I'm sure it was due to our seating mix up.  

The play was enjoyable.  Our local newspaper gave it good reviews.  I certainly would agree.  The casting was well done and all eight actors were entertaining.  If you live near me and you are looking for a fun night out, I'd suggest  heading over to Nashville, IN to take in this show.  

Since we went to the matinee show our more mature crowd was far from ready to call it a day.   They have a routine for these events.  After they go and see plays at the playhouse they go to Brown County State Park and have pitch-in picnics.  There is a designated meeting place, but I won't divulge that information!  I found it a hoot to listen to the chatter in my van as they were all hoping we were the only people at said spot.  My van load didn't recognize the first car all ready at their meeting place.  "Oh no!"  "Someone jump out and quickly run to the tables!"  "Drat, if we were only  30 seconds earlier!"  "Hey, isn't that....?"  "Oh Yeah!"   

(Seconds later another vehicle pulls up)  "A-oh.  That truck is not with us.  Quick someone run up to the tables!"  (The truck backs up and leaves.) "Hey, we scared them off!"  

Seriously, these were the comments in our van and our occupants are in their 70's and 80's!  One of them even had a walker!  

The picnic was fine.  My husband has grown up knowing all of these fine folks and they have been in my life for the past 2o+ years.  It was nice to be able to share the evening with them.  

I did learn something new about myself through all this.  I love to cook, but I do not like to make fried chicken.  I made my contribution last night (Oven Fried Chicken) and it was to be eaten cold today.  I used a recipe out of my 365 Ways to Cook Chicken cookbook.  After I made all 30 chicken legs and cleaned up my kitchen, I pulled my cookbook back out off the shelf.  I opened it to page 66 and circle the recipe in red ink.  Then I wrote the following:  "Good, BUT not worth the energy, the time or the clean up.  Go buy KFC!"  I signed and dated it and made my husband a witness.  I just don't eat Fried Chicken of any kind that much.  It's worth visiting the Colonel once of twice a year.  

I did receive several compliments tonight on my dish.  My husband told everyone they were lucky, because this was the last fried chicken I said I'd be making.  I did hear a few whispers saying, "I like KFC too."  :)

By George, Where's George? and Something is better than Nothing

Have you heard of or seen this project?  

I have a dollar bill in my wallet right now that has this stamp on it.  If you log in to the Where's George? website, you can see where George has been!  I've run across two of these dollar bills in the last six months.  The idea is to take the bill, add the serial number to the website, put it back in your wallet, use it and then sit back and see where George goes!

In today's economy I wonder if George will do much traveling?  My George started out just 8.3 miles from here; south of town.  When the next game person 

decides to log in with George, I will receive and e-mail detailing his travels.  

Kind of fun!  

------

On a completely different note:  I know an older person who lives close to me who has purchased this Exerciser 2000 Elite:  

Passive Exercise?  Did you notice that nothing is checked off?  I have tried to offer my treadmill as a safe way to get some exercise while the weather is cold.  Independence can be a stubborn trait!  

Maybe this machine works.  I found the ad in my Reader's Digest magazine.  I am re-thinking my opinion of that read.   Does this not prey people's better judgement?  I know the situation could be worse; at least something "usable" was received for the money spent.  Whether it works or not might not be for me to judge.  Doing some thing IS better than doing nothing.  I just don't want people I care about to be taken advantage of because they are older.   I mean, if this was in Reader's Digest it must be good, right?  

NOT!

Not my Father-in-law's friends...

This is a pair of Pileated

Wood-

peckers.

If you are

older than

40 you might 

recall

the cartoon

Woody

Woodpecker.  

He was based on this guy.  Mr. PW has a red moustache, Mrs. PW does not.  

About 18 years ago my in-laws decided to add on to their current house.  They added a sewing room and a sun room...imagine a "U" shaped house, and extend the "arms" of the "U".  Their house is even older than ours, so at that time it had been here for over 30 years.  The additions looked beautiful and really extended their living space.  Both rooms overlook the backyard.  The sun room faces east and as it's name implies, it is three walls of windows.  Unfortunately my in-laws do live next to the woods, and their neighbors didn't appreciate the addition.  One Pileated decided to let my FIL know his disappointment and he pecked the rim around several windows on the sun room.  He did thousands of dollars worth of damage.  None of which was covered by insurance!  If only the Pileated had broken the glass, things would have been different.  My FIL was furious.  He was ready to relocate the culprits...really he wanted to help them nap, in the dirt...but after calling the DNR and then the Purdue University Extension office, he found out they are a protected bird.  The PU Extension kindly sent him some Mylar streamers to hang up to discourage any more damage.  Pileated's are very territorial.  My FIL was invading THEIR space.  

This Christmas my FIL received the suet feeder and suet from a niece who lives in Florida.  I don't think she recalls this problem my FIL had.  After Christmas my FIL asked if I would like this feeder for my yard.  I didn't want to take his gift, but I understood his concerns.  So, I told him it was still his, but we could put it down at the back of my yard where he can view it from his place...nice and far away from the sun room!  

I must admit, living in a house covered in stone, I relish seeing this majestic pair.  I've read that the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker looks very similar but is a lot larger.   

Regifting 101

I was just checking out this site and thought I'd pass along the information:  

Regifting 101

I was checking out this site because I think something that I purchased this Christmas for someone was regifted all ready.  I'm not 100 percent sure.   I bought a gift, something wearable, for someone and that person actually wore it and was photographed in it and then just this morning, while checking out another mutual-family-connected site, I noticed someone else wearing an identical item in a very recent picture.  All three of us - who seem to have this same piece of clothing - are connected by that middle person.    

I know it could be a coincidence.  I am struggling by thinking that my gift was not a good choice.  I really thought about what I was buying.  I wanted the gift to be a special thing because I bought a matching item for myself.  

I feel like I am in an episode of Seinfeld.  I'm obsessing and worrying.  The pleaser in me is really struggling.  

Chuckie! and her story...

Yesterday, when I went to make my bed, I found the covers all ready pulled up...but my bed wasn't made.  

I paused just long enough to think, 'hum?'  It is winter break and my kids are home from school.  Jack, my lazy bones cat, would normally be snoozing on my side of the bed and he wasn't there.  Maybe, I thought, one of the kids kindly pulled my covers up so Jack would be sleeping on the comforter and not on my sheets.  Right! Like that would happen!  

As I pulled back the covers to make my bed I jumped just a little as I saw Chuckie hiding out.  This silly doll finally made her way to our bed!  She spent last week terrorizing the relatives who came to visit.  My SIL was the first to find her under her covers.  Chuckie spent the next five days moving from bed to closet, to bed, to suitcase, to under the bed, to laundry shoot, to bed.  She kept the upstairs group occupied, jumping and laughing.  

*****

The story of Chuckie is one of my favorites.  Two years ago as my mom was not winning her battle with GBM, I spent a fair amount of time with her at my grandmother's.  You may or may not recall that my mom spent the last six months of her life at home which meant at grandma's ranch style house...just a mile from my semi-childhood home.  A hospital was not going to be able to help mom.    In the end, the wonderful service of Hospice was called upon.  But...

On one of my weekend visits up north to my mom, my grandmother, who had been an avid doll collector for at least 20 years, asked if I thought my twelve-year-old daughter would like one of her dolls, specifically an American Girl Doll.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OF COURSE!  I wanted to shout at my Grams.  Instead I answered, "Grams, you know she'd love anything you send her way."  

I learned a long time ago, that my grandmother was a trash collector and she could not really part with anything!  If she did give you something you just needed to kindly accept it and then dispose of it when you returned to your own home.  It was just how she was.  My grandmother did have a huge doll collection though.  It was housed in a room of her house that no one was allowed in.  Of course I snuck in there, when I visited my mom and grams was out shopping.  I was naturally curious.  The room was lined with boxes containing dolls.  Piles and piles.  You could barely walk through the place and some of the stacks were a good six feet high.  WOW!  Grams had an original Xavier Roberts Cabbage Patch Doll from the 80's.  I know because I recall when that craze first started and my Grandpa bought it for her.  It was gorgeous.  I was in my late teens and the doll came to our house that fall: Grandpa didn't want it going to his house.  I had this dream that the doll was really for me.  Her blond curls and frilly dress begged for a young girl to cuddle.  I was envious and sad that Christmas as Grams opened the package and I did not.  Still, it was a very cool thing Grandpa did for her.  Grams had collected just about every Madame Alexander doll there was to collect.  She had boxes and boxes of Barbies.  From Star Wars dolls to "Gay Bob."  If it was a doll, she had it.  So, did I think my daughter would like an American Girl Doll from her Great-Grandmother?  

My Grandmother disappeared into that doll-room-cave for about fifteen minutes.  When she re-emerged she was not carrying an American Girl Doll.  Instead she had "Chuckie" as I called her, naked Chuckie.  In fact, with her messed up hair she looked like some long lost jungle baby.  My Grandmother asked in a serious voice, "I couldn't find one of my American Girl Dolls, but do you think your daughter would like this doll?"  

What could I say?  "Are you crazy Grams?"  "NO WAY"  "OMG!  WHAT IS THAT THING?"  "Yikes!"  I just answered, "Grams you know she'd love anything you send her way."  "I think I have a dress I can put on her," my Grams said and then she disappeared into another room for ten more minutes.  My Grams was a generous soul, but she had a daughter lying in a nearby bed who was dying and her mind just couldn't focus.  I would take the doll home to my daughter...but that doll wasn't riding up in the cab of the car with me.  

My Grams found the red dress Chuckie now wears.  She cleaned up the doll, did her hair and dressed and diapered her!  When I returned to Bloomington I told my daughter I had a gift for her from her Great-Grandmother and I told my son not to be jealous.  I made my daughter go out to the trunk of the car to get her gift.  

*****

We all did get a good laugh out of this doll and situation.  No one wanted her to come into the house.  But she did.  She usually quietly sits down in the basement on a shelf minding her own business.  Every few months, when it's least expected, she shows up in a bed, in a closet, under a bed peeking out, around the corner at a set of stairs, any place a good jolt is needed.  

As I said earlier, last week my SIL was the first to see Chuckie during their visit.  Good old Chuckie...she brings smiles and a laugh to our household.  Thanks Grams, may your generous soul rest in peace!  

Day 24 (Dec. 22.)...slowing down before Christmas

Day 24 of construction was the Monday before Christmas.  It was a day of handles on cabinets, painting and hanging of doors on the closets, oven repair man showing up, and  plumbers seeing if the lines were clogged.  

Since the trim for the crown molding is not in, the counter top is not in, the oven needs parts ordered and Christmas being here, things have really come to a stand still for a bit.  It is big tease of a kitchen!  Christmas Eve dinner we had all the relatives here...15 of us total.  Dinner was all purchased ready made from Aunt Kroger.  Cheese, crackers, soups, sushi, baked chicken, rice dish side salads and a fruit tray.  I opted for paper plates and cups because I didn't think my hands or the bar sink could handle the load.  Although dinner was easy and good, I don't think I would like to repeat this as a Christmas Eve dinner tradition.  I would much rather labor in the kitchen and watch the happy smiles as the family eats what I prepare.  Last year I had a traditional polish dinner, like when I grew up.  I had the table set with my best china and we dined on food I prepared.  Next year I will re-instate that tradition.  

Today is Day 42 in real time without my kitchen.  I think I am forgetting how to do things in a real kitchen.  Dave told me on December 22nd that the counter tops won't be in until after the first of the year.  I imagine this next week will be a very quiet one at the Burrow.  Thank goodness once again for in-laws living right next door and lots of Christmas dinner leftovers.  

The big happy news of the past week was that now the washer and dryer do work.  No more water puddles on the new floor!  After our six house guests left it was nice to be able to wash their towels and sheets here.  

Christmas Happiness!

I cannot recall a happier day in recent times for me.  I was content as I sat back and watched the smiling faces of family all around me.  Giggles, smiles, silliness, stories, food, wine, music, presents, pictures...

Our two households, next door to one another, housed 15.  The ages were 12 to 85.  For dinner we had 21...ages 3 to 85.  The place was lively, the food was plentiful, the friendship and love - abundant.  

Truly a day of blessings in my life.  Merry Christmas.  

Togetherness...

Holidays are a time when people who don't usually get together suddenly find themselves trapped inside houses.  Families travel and routines are altered.  Silences are filled and empty spaces occupied.  

Sitting to break bread can become a production, even if it's just for soup and crackers.  

Noise levels are elevated.  Older ears need words repeated. Unsolicited advice is dispensed.  Unspoken opinions are accessed; justly and unjustly.  

The real gift of the season...togetherness.  

Q. What do you do on a Snow Day?...I do mean ICE day!

A.  Go next door and help your grandpa make stockings for his fireplace.  

You know, those stockings for the relatives who haven't been to visit at Christmas in a few years, so they'd never know they didn't have a stocking yet, unless someone posted something on her blog pointing out the fact that some twins were 18 months old and coming to town on Sunday and didn't have their stockings made yet...

My in-laws have their fireplace filled with stockings for their boys & their wives, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  My crafty daughter was volunteered to go help with the stocking making.  She's such a good kid!  

Rachel & Cole are the twins.  Nenya is our new, niece-in-law.  She and our nephew got married today! in Vienna, where they live.  All three of these new stocking holders will be here on Sunday.  Rachel & Cole arrive with their mom, big brother and sister from Oklahoma on Saturday night.  I think we are ready for the family to arrive now!  

Hosting Pilgrims...

Most Holidays at my in-laws house, includes guests.  

The guests are students from foreign counties who are studying at Indiana University. Back in the mid-1960's my in-laws became involved with a group called Bloomington Worldwide Friendship.  

According to the BWF website: BWF is an all volunteer, non-profit, community-based organization that provides friendship and services to international students studying at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana.  

I can personally recall about 40 different students I have dined with because of my in-laws over the years.  So my guesstimate is that they have hosted between 80 and 100 students since the mid-1960's.  

The students I can recall have come from all over the world: Trinidad, Turkey, China, Korea, Germany, Japan, Bangladesh. They have been both males and females, undergrads and graduate students, fluent English speakers and not so fluent English speakers.  

I have lots of stories I could share, but the best story I know having to do with a BWF student didn't even happen to me!  For years, my in-laws would receive Christmas cards from a man named Joel.  Unfortunately he did pass away a few years ago.  When my in-laws hosted Joel he was a graduate student and my husband was either an infant or still in the womb.  At one of the holiday dinners my in-laws were getting to know Joel and he them.  My brothers-in-law would have been around the ages of 10 and 16.  Through the conversations, my in-laws were bragging about their sons and said that their oldest played the drums in a local band.  Coincidentally, Joel had a son over seas who was also in a band.  Joel engaged in a conversation with my 16 year old BIL and asked if he ever heard of the band, The Rolling Stones?  Mick Jagger was Joel's son!  A True Story!  I witnessed the Christmas cards over the years and read the bragging of Joel as he'd share his proud moments of his children and grandchildren.  

Yesterday we had three students join us for our meal.  For the first time, I thought this is how the Native Americans must have felt as they shared their knowledge of this lands food treasures with the first Pilgrim's.  Our guests, all from China, were willing to taste the treats my MIL and I created.  I think most of the recipes we served were rather common.  Turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, rolls, gravy and pumpkin pie.  Our less common recipes would be for our sweet potato and spinach casserole and our cranberry jello salad.  To me all these dishes are very tasty.  I enjoyed watching our guest reactions as they tried the different foods.  My MIL and I do both regularly listen to National Public Radio.  If you are a listener too, then you might have heard Susan Stamberg's recipe for Mama Stamberg's Cranberry Relish.  I've heard this recipe for probably the last 10 years and each time I think, 'that sounds strange, but I should try it sometime.'  This year my MIL was so inspired!  It was interesting.  If you try it, I'd try it on turkey...not by itself.  My son described its taste as 'very garlicky strawberries.'  One should note, there isn't any garlic or any strawberries in it!  

Another thought I'd like to push today is that as we all are gathered with family and friends, I hope you will take a few minutes to really listen to one another.  Tell stories, ask questions...share.  Today has been declared as the first annual National Day of Listening.  Check out the link.  Make a promise to yourself to listen to a memory of someone you love by the end of the year.  I know you won't be sorry you have taken this challenge. 

Siblings and generations...

Sister and Brother.  Six years apart.  Baby and Oldest.  

When they were little it probably made a difference that they were farther apart in age.  It doesn't matter now.  Six years is not that much time.  I wonder why the spread though?  Were there miscarriages?  Too much family around?  A lack of privacy?  Did a job keep the parents apart physically?  My FIL was born in 1925 and I wonder what the years and life were like back then.  How much did the economy influence his parent's lives?  

This Aunt has come for a short visit with her brother.  It's fun to watch them interact.  I find myself projecting my own relationship with my brother onto them.  Their relationship seems much more different than the relationship I have with my own brother.  It kind of makes me sad.  The reason for my sadness might surprise one; I am sad because I hope my brother and I don't ever become as distant as these two seem to be.  If these two didn't look so similar when they are together, you might not even know they were related.  They don't chat very often.  It's just enough to stay connected...a few times a year.  I don't want this to happen for me and my own siblings.  Yet I fear my youngest sib and I will be this way as we age.  I have trouble seeing the connections to one another we have in our current  lives.  There seems to be work that needs to be done to stop this from happening.  It's a two-way street I know.  Sometimes though, I feel like I am waiting for her to get on the road let alone start driving.  

I also just realized that the last time I was with my brother I didn't get a picture of us together.  Shame on me!  I need to remember to not only have my camera out, but to use it!  

Do you remember?

Do you remember when you first learned to drive?  I recall Driver's Ed. and how cool it was.  I attended DE during summer break and it was held at school.  It seemed like it went all summer long...those were carefree days.  I didn't have to work, didn't have to be any where at any particular time, could stay up late or sleep in.  Time had no meaning.  In reality, DE was probably only two or three weeks long.  

Since I lived 13 miles from school, DE was very much a social event.  It was a gathering of a very specific group of people my age.  We all had a common bond and everyone WANTED to be there.  It wasn't like regular school.  The rewards of DE would be seen much more quickly.  

I barely recall the classroom work, speakers or the movies.  I do recall sitting in the gym as a group and knowing what we would see and hear was meant to scare us.  But I don't recall being scared or really influenced to be a better driver because of DE.  In retrospect, what has influenced me the most are any close calls I may have had.  That's not a comforting thought as my son just got his license to drive yesterday.   

I do recall the driving part of DE.  It was the most fun.  There were two girls, two boys and one teacher in our car.  We'd drive for four hours at a time.  Periodically, our teacher would make us stop so he could have a smoke break.  He'd open the glove box and pull out rolls of Certs...he didn't smoke.  In hindsight, I think he gave us Certs while he ate a few Tums!  They came in rolls too.  These days I've had my share of Tums.  I keep reminding myself that we all need to learn to drive sometime.  

The exciting part of getting my driver's license was that I suddenly had freedom.  I became much more helpful to my parents..."do you need anything from the store?  I'll go get it!"   My husband and I were reminiscing the other day with his parents about our early driving days.  My husband recalled his mom asking him to go to the corner market to buy her packs of cigarettes!  My slightly horrified MIL said, "I would never have done that!"  She hasn't smoked in 22 years.  My FIL replied, "I seem to recall you did!"  Boy have times changed!  Sixteen-year-olds can't even buy cigarettes nowadays.  

My son has passed step one in getting his license...the state tests: driving and written.  Officially he has his little plastic card in his wallet making him legal.  

Step two is a little harder to pass...Kroll's Law.  Just because the state says he can drive doesn't mean he's impressed all the authorities who will give him permission.  Where's that car provided by the state?  Who's paying insurance premiums?  Who's responsible if he gets into an accident?  Which brings up my next thought...organ donation.  I think it's a wonderful gift of life to be offered to someone else.  My son wanted to be an organ donor.  I'm not ready for my son to leave me in the earthly sense of the word, and it was hard to okay something so important as a person and a parent. 

 I did okay my son's desire.  Kroll's Law, the ace in my pocket...for a while.   

My 100th Post!

Flowers are so symbolic. They represent hope and new life each year as they spring forth from from the ground or brown branches.

I love flowers of all kinds, but Lilacs hold a special place in my heart. When I was very young we had a few huge lilac bushes next to our house in Miller. I remember sitting on the ground with my best girl friend, Mary Ellen Warren, and stringing the flowers from lilacs and making our own leis. The leis were of various sizes and we'd place them around our necks, on our heads, on the cat, on our dolls and hang them around the yard. We'd dance around pretending to be fairies from the woods sparking new life where we'd go.

When I moved into my current house, my FIL gave me a stick with roots stuck in a bucket of water. He was given a lilac starter, for me, from one of his neighbors! I pampered that stick! I fed it root stimulator and then fertilizer. I discovered that lilacs need to be trimmed only just after they have bloomed...if you trim them in the fall you will clip off all the buds of next springs flowers. Each spring I would patiently wait to see the blooms of my labor, and to smell their intoxicating sweetness. This year I had more then enough blooms to clip and bring inside my house.

Each day my lilacs bloom I confess, I step outside and nuzzle my nose into those tiny purple blossoms. I close my eyes as I inhale and picture a little girl dancing around the yard with flowers on her head.