Living Alone :: Being Independent as Being Lonely ::__________

There are so many stages I have gone through since my divorce.  I wish there was a handout, booklet, website, etc that had explicit instructions to follow.  I wish I could look into a crystal ball and see my future, or at a minimum, be able to know where I am on this non-linear path of healing. Is there an ending point?

It is so hard NOT looking at another, yes online stalking happens a little, and that leaves me not feeling worth very much. I am smart enough to know that social media is a place where others post to show off. I do keep that in mind. Still, it causes me to wonder what did I do wrong? Why wasn't I enough? What is wrong with me? All questions I hope any average, crazy person who shared nearly thirty years of her life with a cheating Narcissist might ask herself.

It is hard to see words of praise for an other's support, as if I never was a supporter. Note to self: Free up your hard drive! It's now okay to destroy those thousands of photos you took over the years. It is hard to see over the top gifts displayed, recalling I once received a picture of pocket waders as my gift.  Ordered too late to be on time, and so I could walk our dog without getting my feet wet.  Mostly, it's really hard to see my children displayed as items with the trophy.  I remain forever grateful that I have my children in my life, but I do not like to see them on display.  Surely divorce was easier when social media didn't exist.

However, this is not about the devil.  He has hurt me, but I have learned to let it go.  Divorce is a common thing in today's society, as is social media.  Surviving being with someone who has a personality disorder is not as common.  There isn't a T-shirt color I'll ever wear to symbolize my survivorship, nor are there runs or walks that will be done, but I am a survivor.  Each day that goes by, I look up at the heavens and say thank you out loud to the Universe for releasing me from so much hostility and negativity.

Reflecting on the five stages of grief that one goes through with a divorce: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, I feel I am somewhere near the end of my path.  It's been three years since my divorce was finalized, but longer since he emotionally checked out and then physically left.

Healing requires going through the emotional stages of grief.  In an attempt to speed the process, one couples these emotional stages with self-soothing strategies.  Dating sites are turned to and some less than perfect matches are tested out.  Some perfect matches too, but if one isn't fully healed, they cannot possibly open their heart and trust before they have fully grieved.  Other relationships MUST also be built.  Same sex, meaning the sex you aren't attracted to, friendships are important because one needs to have safe relationships that will not, involve sex.  When one is hurting, self-soothing with sex is a tool that unfortunately gets used.  To prove that one is still desirable, one can make someone else happy, and one still has it, sex becomes an unhealthy tool.  In the moment, the satisfying feelings seem justified.  After the fact, they only make one feel worse.  One wants to be desired not for sex, but for their brain, for how one compliments another, for their compassion, for their conversations, etc.  With longevity in mind, those other qualities are truly the most important.  Physically, we won't always be able to perform on cue...and I suspect our sexual appetite and stamina will betray us as we age.   At least so many commercials and ads seem to imply this will happen without help.   The sex you aren't attracted to relationships help build our trust, build our self esteems, and remind us we can be liked and loved for more than our bodies.  This is just SO important!!!!

I have spent the past few years working on and renewing my female friendships.  I am not attracted to females in the way I am to males.  Sorry, ladies!  I'm not the next Glennon or Elizabeth!  :)  I do believe that when some people get married, they buy into the societal unwritten rule that once you say "I do" that means you do everything as a couple...with your husband or wife.  I know in all my Catholic upbringing I believed it hook, line and sinker.  "The two shall become one", "...and a man leaves his family..." etc. In my being with someone who was so controlling, he was an equal opportunity abuser.  No one ever measured up.  Family, friends, no one was immune.  Behind closed doors I was told such negativity about others. Because I was the sounding board, I told myself others just didn't understand him like I did.  I told myself that I was special.

And I was special.  I could make him look good.  Until I started to know all his secrets, flaws and eventually outshine him.  Somewhere along the line I stopped putting him up on the artificial pedestal he is clinging to.  That was when I discovered, that even I was not immune to his brutality.  Thank you Universe for helping me be set free.  With my female friendships, I have learned to be validated in who I am, and to validate others in true and sincere ways.  I have learned how to be loved without needing to have sex to prove to someone else my worth.  Love takes so many forms, and I have so much to give. Having sex is just a tiny part of how I want to show my next greatest lover that they mean the world to me.  

When married, I know I had several years where I did need to put my children first, and I am happy I did so.  They were young, and they needed me.  As they aged though, I found myself missing something that went unnamed, and that I didn't even realize at the time I was missing.  Reflecting on the past few years, I'm not sure how I ever survived without my close, numerous female friendships.  My girlfriend groups have reminded me how to have a variety of conversations: deep and serious, light hearted and naughty.  They have reminded me how to go out with friends for dinner, and how to laugh with others and at myself.  I love our intimate conversations be they about our children, relationships, aging or something in the news.  I love hearing other opinions and thoughts, as well as sharing mine.  I suppose the take away from my marriage ending is I can tell my children, and anyone else who will listen to me say, don't lose your friends and friendships just because you get married!  Find ways to stay connected!  

The current challenge I have been working on is filling in that blank in the title. Learning to live alone and love oneself is another stage to truly healing. Living alone, I have been learning what I like, and dislike. I have become stronger in my confidences, my abilities, and in my strengths.  I try to solve challenges and problems on my own because I have become an even better problem solver. I don't need validation from some one else, because I prove to myself that I can, or that I know where to go, or who to ask for help.   There is comfort and strength in being independent. I suppose when I was married I unknowingly cowered a bit because I subconsciously knew marriages can end.  The old me certainly felt if my marriage ended I'd whither away into nothingness. How could I possibly survive?  I felt I was a vine, intertwined with my host and if uprooted, I wouldn't, couldn't last. In living life, I have discovered that vines, have so many more hidden roots and shoots.  They can't possibly die. In fact, they have so many that they come back even stronger than before.  Three short years ago, I thought becoming a healed me was impossible.  

I do still have fears, which I think are in our human nature. I am scared that this is as good as it gets. I'm scared I will be alone, and I will not get a chance at love again.  I don't know how I'll ever meet someone who wants a mature, curvy, independent lady as their soulmate.  My dental hygienist happens to be a woman and I've all ready said I'm not into women.  Sorry, Vicki!  lol  My opinion on dating sites is that the men my age there seem to be looking for young, needy things who will hook up and feed their egos.  I am not young nor am I needy.  I definitely am not shallow and will feed egos only if they warrant being fed.  I want to compliment someone and have them compliment me.  I don't need to be fixed.  I am perfect just as I am.  Being alone and being lonely are two very different feelings.  The loneliness I feel is from lacking intimate connection with another human.  I miss being held and kissed.  This was also a take away from my divorce.  It wasn't because I was married to someone who kissed and held me, far from it in fact. I learned this about myself from the self-soothing stage AFTER my divorce.  Self-soothing isn't a bad thing, as long as one realizes it doesn't help one move forward, it simply is a must for survival.  

Putting my faith into the Universe and still holding out for my complimentary partner, 

~Lisa Kroll
     Independent, Curvy, Smart, Animal Loving, Life Thinker, Survivor




     

My Addition and Some Advice

in the woods near the Burrow

Adding Toby to my life has been a positive addition.  

I love having him to come home to, or being able to say, "Let's go for a ride!" and have him eagerly run to the door.  I enjoy his company as I do errands or travel, and we've all ready been on one over night adventure.  I love taking him out for walks at all times of the day, but I'll confess late night walks in the dark, where I can star gaze might be my favorite walking time.  We've been out many times all ready in below zero weather, and have pounced in 12+ inches of snow in lower Michigan.  We are learning to walk in the woods together. It seems like the leash is a new experience for Toby.**  We both need to have plenty of patience as we learn to read the other's signals.  I love having him to cuddle with on the couch at night while I do my school work, or play Words With Friends! He loves belly rubs, and I enjoy the distraction.  

You smell familiar, yet new. 

I love watching Toby touch noses with Berlioz, then witness as he allows Bear to rub against him.  It warms my heart.  Berlioz was raised with Winston, and I think he has missed his company.  Toulouse is competition for Berlioz, but Toby is not.  While I believe Berlioz enjoys playing with Toulouse, there is a gentleness I see in his interactions with Toby that has been missing.  

Berlioz and Toby 

Toulouse is still in that curious stage.  He likes Toby, but likes to fain annoyance, too.  He likes to lay in the middle of the carpeted walkway and then act grumpy as our gentle giant shakes his head, jingling his dog tags. As a cat, Toulouse is a show-off.  He likes to jump from the floor to the top of the kitchen counters, or from one counter to the other in front of or over Toby.  Toby just wants to be part of the action.  He likes that I give him a kitty treat when the I spoil the cats!  It is fun to watch such a big mouth eat such a little treat.  He's lives up to his reputation as a gentle giant.  

Toulouse cautiously watches Toby.

 Toby has seemed like one of the family since he stepped into the Burrow.  I am so happy for that.  I anticipate that as time goes on, all three boys will be running around the house together.  They currently all sleep on the bed with me, which has it's challenges.  Space is limited and the human is the "top dog".  But, I don't mind sharing my bed, and I gingerly get out when I wake in the middle of the night.  My heart overflows with love, and my fur babies are the benefactors of that overflow.  

Toby wonders how he can climb the cat tree to join the fun.  

It's a dog's life at the Burrow! 

      I am grateful for my life; all I have, and all I can give.  

I have spent this past year truly on my own. In doing so, I realize what I miss the most in life is physical, human touch.  I am a person who likes to be close to another.  I do reach out and make physical contact with those around me.  I invade personal space bubbles.  I give hugs.  It's a good thing I teacher first grade, because I am a first grader at heart!  I like to listen to others, but I also like to talk.  I have a lot of friends, and no real enemies. I am a happy soul.  

I love to watch others, but I am secretly jealous when I see hands being held or little acts of love being shown.  It's a good envy.  I imagine my parents were like that, and their love created me!  True confession though...I mostly miss having a hand to hold on to and being kissed.  I miss running my fingers though an other's hair, or caressing their face.  I miss a confidant to tell my secrets.  I miss having a partner who will just share the burden of living.  

Going through my divorce has reminded me that I am a strong woman.  Although I miss those physical, human touch things, I am really fine on my own.  I do talk to my animals, and let them snuggle on my bed, but so what.  I am me, and I am free to share love how I want.  No judgments now. I believe you get in life what you give.  I choose kindness.     

So, who am I to give advice?  
No one, 
and someone who has been hurt 
and who knows loss.

Life is too short. 

I have been saying this since my dad passed away in 1985, but I started living this when my mom died in 2006. 

I heard a comment recently, '... being together for so long...you get bored.'  WTHeck???  

Don't let this happen in your relationships!  Your relationship may end without you realizing it because you were bored.  No matter what relationship you are in...same sex partners, long/short term relationship or marriage.  I say to you, love one another.  It's likely you've been through a lot together.  Remember that!  Reminisce.  Remind each other of the good in your hearts.  Think about what drew you to that person.  Chances are, they have forgotten, too.  Trust me on this..the world is a lonely place and it's not easy starting over.  Touch your loved one!  Hold hands when you can.  If you are riding in the car, hold hands.  If you are walking in the grocery store, hold hands.  If you are heading back to your bedroom, hold hands!  Simply touch one another.  I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about making physical connections. Reach out and push a hair out of some one's eyes, stroke their cheek, cup the back of their neck as you look into their eyes.  Listen as they talk.  Ask questions.  Be engaged with them.  If you do this in public know that if others see you, your love will be contagious.  Maybe you can spark a different kind of movement.  We all need to feel loved.     

The lack of human touch was not what ended my marriage. I was married to someone who has a personality disorder.  I still fear that I won't be able to allow someone close to my heart again because I am scared of being hurt.  I just know I really miss human touch.  

My life is happening the way it is supposed to for a reason.  It is not my place to question why, but I do know that right now, I have animals in my life because I love them. 

I know I can love another human again, too.    

I am working on spreading love, understanding and positivity. I hope you will, too.   



~Lisa Kroll
     love warrior, animal lover, happy soul
*******I do not know Toby's history.  

Here is what I do know, English Setters are bred to be hunting/gun dogs.  They have gentle mouths because they are bird dogs.  They flush out prey and then will retrieve their hunters trophies.  They are used as a tool, not kept as a pet.  They are not fixed, because it is believed that neutering or spaying diminishes the hunting ability.  When an English Setter reaches about five years of age, they are finished as a hunter.  

When owners turn animals in to a shelter, and most are kill shelters, the animal's fate is sealed to die.  On the other hand, when someone finds an animal that was dumped, and brings it into a shelter, that animal has at least a few weeks reprieve to be reconnected with it's owner. Or possibly, even be adopted by someone better!

Rescues, like Above and Beyond English Setter Rescue, whom I worked with to adopt Toby, step in to find homes for certain breeds.  

English Setters do make wonderful house pets.  It is likely that I will never be able to let Toby off his leash as we hike in the woods...his drive to hunt is very strong, but given space to run and someone to love, he will have a wonderful life.   

Thinking...

I am not the same person I was at 20 years of age.
I don't wish to go back there either.

But who is this woman of 50?  Her skin isn't as taunt as it once was, and it seems thinner than she recalls.  Muscles aren't as firm as they used to be.  But she does nothing extra to prevent their lap of shape.  Life keeps her busy.  Life shows it's wear on her body.  Viewing her nakedness, and the mirror is not her friend.  She cannot jump as high as she once could.  Although, honestly, She never measured how how she could jump, so...who knows.

However...

Her life experience is greater now.  She knows how she enjoys spending her time, and the type of person she enjoys being around.  She knows what calms her, what sets her off, what makes her smile, what makes her laugh, what brings her joy, and what makes her heart sad.  She has experienced great loss, but has come through it.  She has wisdom to know that eventually all will be as it should be.  She is a dreamer.  She believes the best in others.  And, she always, always, always looks for the good and the positive.

But, she's not in balance yet.

She's still learning to love herself.

All of herself.

 

Eating, Praying, Loving... part 1 of ?

Always thinking

 What can you do today that you could not do a year ago?

Learning to live in the moment

A year ago, really for most of my life, I could not set boundaries for my emotional self.  I allowed others to enter my life and to emotionally abuse me.  I know that may seem strange because I am a strong person.  I thought that if I made others happy, others whom I loved, it meant they loved me in return.  My inner being was incorrect.  Dare I say wrong?  I am not perfect.  I am learning daily to speak up for myself.  I am learning daily to love myself.  Loving and accepting myself is what allows me to be happy.

I eat, to nourish my physical body.  I pray, to nourish my mental body.  I love, to nourish my emotional body.

A year ago I did not realize how much of a thinker I was.  Or, better said, maybe I did realize it, I just didn't allow myself to trust my own opinions and thoughts.  I find that I enjoy smart conversations with others who challenge my thoughts, but allow me to be entitled to my own opinions.

A part of me is waking up and realizing I am on a journey of self-discovery right now.  School was a wonderful kick-start to prime my brain.  School allowed me to be research topics, state opinions, share with others and be told my thoughts were valid.  If others disagreed with my opinions, I was allowed...no expected, to listen to their reasoning and then respond.  I was respected.

Out loud I will tell you I am looking for my independence.  That I do not need anything from anyone.    I do not want to be saved or protected.  I am discovering me.  I want to enjoy someone else without feeling they need to be my other half.  I am remembering that I am a complete person all ready.

First things first...learn to love thyself.  Do you love yourself?

~Lisa

Note:  The question at the top of this posting is from:  50 Thought Provoking Questions...

Loss...

I need to be able to write about what's happening with me.  Life sort of sucks.

By sort of, I mean it sucks, but that I am surviving.  It's not what I expected, but I am plugging along.

I've been reading up on divorce recently.  I have read that it can hurt as much, or more, as when you have someone die in your life.  I've been down that path!  I am a survivor.  One has to go through the mourning process through a divorce, just like when you have someone close die.  That's what my heart and head are dealing with right now.  I am mourning the loss of my dream of being a wife and married forever.  Mourning that I will not share everything with one person.

Apparently my husband checked out sometime ago from "us".  I'm not sure when it happened for him.  I really thought we were just going through something.  I was looking forward to our last child leaving the house.  It really was finally going to be time for us.  No digressing though.  He has made his choice.  He has made it impossible for me to even look at him without feeling sorry for him.  He has hurt the one thing in life that loved him more than life itself.  I cannot trust a single word that falls out of his mouth. Ever.

I was not anticipating feeling so devastated at this point in my life.  At times, I don't even feel I can move forward.  How can he be fine with all of this?  Why?  Where did we go wrong?  Will I ever be happy again?  Will I ever trust again?  Will anyone ever honestly love me again?  Will I ever be able to honestly love again?  Was so much of what I lived a lie?  Does Happily Ever After even exist? These questions pop into my brain at times.

Honestly, I am happier without him in my life.  I do not walk on eggshells any more.

Last week I started attending a divorce support group. There is something comforting in having others tell their stories, and telling my story, and to know that you are not alone.  I just need someone to walk with me on this journey.

I want a new relationship, but I am SO not ready.  Yes, I want to be kissed, and held and more.  But I know I need to really love myself first.  I do not totally love myself yet.  He made me feel so incredibly at fault for everything.  Shame on me for allowing that.  I need to heal and not allow anyone to ever make me feel that way again.

At the divorce support group meeting the topic was New Relationships.  This is a church based support group.  I do believe in God, so this is good for me.  I was reminded last week that God accepts and loves me exactly how I am.  That I am a whole person and not the other half of someone else.  All the emotional abuse my soon-to-be-ex did to me was not about me.  It was about him.  About him not being good enough, not having a healthy self-esteem, about him needing to feel like he was superior.  To allow himself to feel superior, he cut me down.  Not just me, but everyone really who crosses his path.  And he still does it.  He cannot change.  He's running from the demons in his own head, but he will never be able to get away.  And he cannot be happy for anyone else's successes.    He cannot love.

I need to learn to let him go and the feelings I have from his abuse. He is no longer my responsibility.  I am not anything he said.

I am capable.
I am perfect.
I am smart.
I am not fat.
I am beautiful.  
...and I can do ANYTHING!

~Lisa

Crossroads...

Warning: 

Author Over Sharing Alert

 

-----

climacteric

/klaɪˈmæktərɪk; ˌklaɪmækˈtɛrɪk/

noun 

1.

a critical event or period

2.

another name for menopause

3.

the period in the life of a man corresponding to the 

menopause, chiefly characterized by diminished 

sexual activity

4.

(botany) the period during which certain fruits, 

such as apples, ripen,marked by a rise in the rate 

of respiration

adjective 

5.

involving a crucial event or period

-----------------------------------------

A.K.A. ...Really?  WTF????  Are you kidding me?  

Did I hear that correctly?  

I have reached a point where I need to write in order to move forward in my life.  I have tried to keep my thoughts private.  I have gone through my entire life keeping private journals, and periodically have branched out.  Now, I need to branch out once again.  

I am a positive person.  Bad things in life do happen...just 8 years ago I sat with my siblings as we helped, make the choice for, our comatose step-father to be taken off life support.  He had suffered an aneurysm while dealing with west nile.  He was treated with antibiotics just after his first test for west nile, so his results were inconclusive according to the CDC.  To test positive meant two tests back to back testing positive, without antibiotics to help.  Regardless, four weeks later, while still in a comma and having a temperature then entire time of 104 degrees plus, my siblings and I sat with him in a very small hospital room.  It was the middle of October, 2008.  That event alone would have been enough to suffer through.  

But that event happened five months into another life changing event for us.  Our mother had stage 4 brain cancer.  GBM.  Glioblastoma Multiforme.  My mom's GBM was the reason I started blogging.  Hopefully I helped others who were searching the web for info on what to expect.  I had done that and found little information to grasp hold of.  My step-father died 31 days before my mom.  

Rinse and repeat.  Except mom was allowed to pass over at home.  

Pretty crappy stuff for a positive person to live through.  But, I did it with my siblings by my side.  I did it surrounded by family, and friends at home (where my mom was).  I did it with the support at my own home; my husband and children, and friends back here.  Nourishment was all around me.  

Over the next year, my husband and I would move into a bigger house with our two growing teens.  We moved right next door to his parents, next to his childhood home.  His parents were starting to age, and we wanted to be there for them when the time came.  About three years ago my father-in-law started his rapid health decline, and passed away.  Little did I realize change in my personal life was on the horizon.  

In December of 2012, I started contemplating life with an empty nest.  Our baby would be graduating from high school in May.  It was time for me to fully enter back into the work force.  To do so, I decided to go back to graduate school.  I wanted to earn my masters in Elementary Education, become licensed and have my own classroom.  (Side note:  I have been working part-time for the past 13 years as a reading teacher. I have not been sitting around eating bon-bons.)

Long story short, I worked my butt off and was accepted into graduate school.  Somewhere along the line of life, my husband decided he wasn't attracted to me any more.  He has told me so at least a half a dozen times over the past year.  He has said I've never been the person he's wanted.  I haven't supported him.  I don't keep the house clean enough for him.  Living with me is hurting his health.

wow.  Emotionally I am spent.  I have been verbally abused behind closed doors for 27 years.  I have felt my role as a loving wife was to make everything perfect in our household for my hard-working husband. He really is hard-working.  He really is successful at whatever he puts his mind to.   I am puzzled as to why I have thought so highly of him for all these years though.  Nothing has ever been good enough for him.  

No more.  

Divorce is in my future.  I never thought my life would play out this way.  My husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He has "dismissed" me.  Literally, I do not exist to him.  

The more I type, the more I delete.  So much to say, so little I want out for all to read.  I feel scarred.  Life has been challenging.  I long to be loved and respected.  I long to share time with someone.  I did not expect this.  

If you ask me in person what my husband said to me on Mother's Day 2013 while we laid in bed together, you'd understand the level of his verbal abuse and why exactly I needed to go, alone, to the Grand Canyon last summer.  I have been in therapy for over a year.  I was told I could continue to believe the things he tells me or I could go out into the world and discover what the world really thinks of me.  

I'm glad I ventured out.  Life is hard, but I can still smile...most of the time.  I am guilty of loving.  This is his problem, not mine.  At the end of November I will officially be finished with my student teaching.  Just a few more hurdles to jump!  Three of my five licensing exams are under my belt.  My thesis paper research is finished, I just need to write it.  

I will be reaching my dreams of being a classroom teacher by the end of the year.  I hope to have full time employment doing what I love shortly after that.  I am not the first person in the world to go through a divorce.  I know I can, and will survive and shine once more.    

My Hootie blog will become active again as my time allows.  The joys I experience in life need a place to reach others!  Until then, I do have a teaching blog.  Visit me there too, if you'd like:  It Takes a Village to Raise a Teacher. 

With Katy Perry!
Okay, yes, it is just a cardboard cut out. 

Life is short.  Family is precious.  Our faith gives us the courage to grow and love. 

~Lisa   a.k.a. Hootie!

50 Shades and Princesses

I have neglected my blog since August.  Sincerely apologies on that dear readers!  On one hand, I have loaned my camera out to my son for a photojournalism class he's taking in college.  I'm feeling lost without my camera lens to peer at the world through.  On the other hand, my own schooling has kept me incredibly busy!  I've been writing, but it's been a different kind of writing.   I am setting this post to automatically run.  I will be reading this piece tomorrow night in my last Methods of Teaching Elementary Reading and Writing for grades 4-6 and I want it to hit my blog during that time.  I was inspired to write this after heading to Chicago with my sister to see 50 Shades, the Musical, a Parody.  

*****

Journal entry: October 27, 2013

50 Shades and Princesses

Chicago

October 26

While walking the sidewalks of Chicago on the Magnificent Mile, It is not unusual to see beautifully, alluring shop entryways.  The scent wafting through the air reeks of excitement, expectation and good times.  Add the sunset to the mix and vibrant colors pop, catching your eye.  A little sensuality teasing your senses, beacons you to come inside, if you dare.  

Young twenty-somethings strut around inside.  Immaculately put together.  They’ll ask if they can help, but if you watch carefully, their eyes wander away, in hopes that you’ll say no or that you just need something right in front of you.  

The angel wings on the underwear-clad, headless mannequins drew me inside Victoria’s Secret.  I long to have that once drooled after, youthful body.  I’m working on loving the curvy me that I am at almost 50.  The person I am right now is still transforming.  Middle age sits waiting in my “friend request” box, but I’m resisting holding hands and accepting this friendship.  Getting old means abandoning youth.  I’m not quite ready for that.  

But those angel wings...mmm

I imagine my head upon that mannequin...my body morphs onto the doll as well...it’s sort of nice.  I wonder if others would glance my way? Or if they’ll look else where.  

I quickly tire of looking at underwear and head back out the door.  I’m swallowed up again in the masses heading down the sidewalk. On the ground in front of me I see a star and sparkles.  The colors of the shop once again speaks to my inner, youthful soul. My feet have a mind of their own and propel me insides.  

As I fill my lungs with the scent of youth from this place, I feel my cheeks raise...my smile involuntarily fills my face.  “Ahh,” I say aloud, “I’m home!”  

“Welcome to the Disney Store!”  

~by ltk