Habit or Tradition

Today is the first day of our school year here in Southern Indiana.  My oldest child is a sophomore in high school and my youngest is in the eighth grade.

I recall being a teary-eyed mom when my oldest first went off to kindergarten.  As we went out the front door that morning, to make the short walk to school, I had my camera at the ready.  "Stand here."  I directed.  My obedient little boy stood and smiled at me while I clicked away a half a dozen pictures.  

Last night, I silently reminded myself to set out my camera.  Five minutes before my children walked out the door to catch the bus this morning I said, "Oh,  One more thing..."  

"Mom!  NO!"  

I plead my case, " This is a tradition!  I have taken a first day of school photo since the beginning!  Since pre-school really!"  I was lucky to be allowed one photo; inside the house and no smiles.  

Another part of my first day of school tradition is to make chocolate chip cookies.  Only two more years until I retire this tradition for my son. 

"Sticks and stones, Love..." "A Rose by any other name..."

My favorite book in the whole world starts out, "Last night I dreamt of Manderly..."

If you have read this old book you know by that line exactly what I am talking about.  Manderly is a house.  Daphne du Maurier was the author of my favorite book, Rebecca.  An aunt gave me a copy of that book when I was in my early teens.  It remains a wonderful murder mystery and I bet I've read it a half a dozen times.  I own several copies...just in case I find a young reader who likes to get lost in a good book.  Ms. du Maurier describes Manderly so well that it seems to have a life of it's own.  When I went to visit a famous house here in the states and I went up the winding drive, I felt I was about to see Manderly.  The Biltmore too, seems to have a life of its own. This past winter I read another book called Mrs. de Winters.  It was a continuation of life of the characters after Manderly.  It was written by Susan Hill as Ms. du Maurier has long since past away.  Ms. Hill understood the importance of the leading lady finding another house with a name and personality of it's own.  Cobbett's Brake is the new house.  The original murder mystery is continued in this second book.  Although the ending of this story made me sad, it really ended as it should have.  Ms. Hill was able to make Cobbett's Brake come alive just like Ms. du Maurier did to Manderly!    

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When I walked into my new house-to-be, I sensed a presence.  It was not of a person, or spirit, it was something in the character of the house.  This house has a personality.  It wraps itself around you and makes you feel safe.   I know these walls have many tales they could tell.  When you see this house from the road it looks small and cozy.  When you step inside you feel like you have been welcomed home.  One can find their own space to unwind.  Had Ms.' du Maurier or Hill stepped in here they would feel it too.  They would understand my desire and need to find a name for this place.  

Right away I told my kids and my husband my plan.  This house needed a name.  As an expectant mother learns that it's best not to tell others prematurely your baby's name...others will voice their unsolicited opinions which usually aren't in favor of your choice, but once the baby is born all will easily accept your choice...I haven't told many the house name.  My children were to give suggestions.  I wanted something earthy, woodsy, and maybe a bit magical.  My son has read all of JRR Tolkien's books, surely he could suggest a name.  My daughter is very creative, she too would have good ideas.  

In the end it was my husband who casually mentioned what the house felt like to him.  "That's it!"  I said, "The Burrow."  This house is not like the burrow in Harry Potter, but it is like the burrow in it's comfort and how it welcomes all. 

Earlier this summer, I went to an amusement park with my brother-in-law and our two sons.  I had the above sign made for our new place.  My BIL asked, "what will your husband think of this?"  It was that unsolicited, non-encouraging tone that made me aware that his opinion was soon to follow, "He'll LOVE it!" 

And he does.  :)  Come visit us at The Burrow!  

A gift that keeps on giving...for Bean!

We have a certain family member who is REALLY bad at remembering dates!  I have included a new feature to my blog, down at the bottom, just for her!  Others can benefit from this too...but it's just there as a reminder for us all!  

:)

Things I will miss about this 'old' house...

Tomorrow we close on our new house.  The yard is very green...some color in the spring, but mostly green.  I will have a lot of work to do to recreate these eye treats over there.  I can't wait!  :)

How apropos...Crab Grass! :)

Poor Grams!  She was such a crank-pot, crabby soul in her last few years here on Earth.  I have to think this is a little reminder the man from above is sharing with all of us...crab grass on her grave!  Funny!  

I stopped by to see her a few weeks ago while on my way home while picking up my baby from camp.  I did a little weed pulling before I said hi to Art, my mom and my dad too.  

...go away tears and lump in my throat...

THINK, before you speak...

When you have children you learn that you really do need to THINK before you speak.  Every word you utter from your lips is open for interpretation.  

I have learned to work this both ways.  Whether one goes to law school or not, parents must naturally have a bit of lawyer-reasoning that kicks in once their babies are born.  

Our daughter happens to be that kid who wants to have every animal alive be her pet.  She is constantly looking for an abandoned kitten to care for.  Every turtle, baby bird, anole, hermit crab, hamster, mouse, rat, guinea pig, chipmunk, dog, cat, bunny is a potential adoptee.  

After many vacations we have returned home with hermit crabs and anoles.  For several years they have inhabited cages on our counters and in our living room.   Our daughter has brought home classroom guppies and snails...both which can multiply like rabbits!  We currently own two cats, a hamster, four anoles and fish; we recently lost two hermit crabs...they died, they didn't escape.** 

**PARENT NOTE: All the pets in our household must be "quiet" creatures.  

Some where you need to draw the line.  Although it is great to be able to say YES to pet ownership, ultimately we all know who the zookeeper of the household will be.  Someone has to change the litter boxes, clean up poop and throw up as well as regularly feed and water the menagerie.  Experiencing the circle of life through the loss of a pet is much better than through the loss of a grandparent, or worse.  But I have heard enough "Ooooo, GROSS...I'm not cleaning THAT up!" to know where the line needs to be drawn and who REALLY is going to clean up all the messes.  

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When a rabbit hops through our yard, an animal radar seems to set off in my daughter.  She glows a bit as she hones in on a potential new pet.  "Mom, can I have a bunny?"  Instead of saying, "NO!"  I reply, "If you can catch it, you can keep it." 

Last night we were out back with the cats when suddenly one of the cats jumped into the flowers and came out with a baby rabbit in it's mouth. My daughter immediately rescued the cutie-pie baby from the jaws of the proud, huntress.  "Mom..."  

"Did YOU catch the bunny?  I don't think so.  Lily can keep it because SHE caught it.  YOU need to let it go."  

Family vs. Friends

My baby has been at camp - sleepover, 7+ hours away, in a different state, few phones, no cells allowed, no TV, in an unheated cabin with 12 other girls - for over two weeks now.  I am heading to get her this Friday.  I can't wait!

My girl is a very typical 13 year old.  She is trying to find herself and tests the waters with her parents regularly.  Girls are such different creatures!  I can't believe my parents survived me...then again, I am sure I was an angel!  It was my brother who gave our parents a run for their money!  :)  I have been reading a book called Queen Bees and Wanna-Bees which came out several years ago.  It describes what happens to children - mostly girls, as they go through puberty.  This book has made me able to say, "I am experiencing that!  I'm not alone as a parent!"  Most of my friends have boys or younger girls.  I can't connect as well to them and I am sure they don't want to hear my woes of parenting my daughter.  But at times I do get frustrated and I need to vent.  

My daughter is very good at yelling at me and her dad.  We are STUPID!  We don't understand!  We don't serve REAL FOOD!  We need to SHUT UP!  We need to LEAVE HER ALONE and QUIT BUGGING her.  We treat her brother better than we treat her!  I could go on, but that's the jist of life with a vocal, teenage girl.  

Before my daughter headed to camp I did find myself being happy that I would have a little peace and quiet.  I happen to think I am a wonderful mom.  I would do anything for my kids and their friends too.  Unfortunately my feelings do get hurt when I am yelled at.  I am not that strong of a soul...I like to make others happy.  Being yelled at puts me in a bad emotional frame of mind.  I have been trying to remind myself that all the things my daughter says are not meant at me (or my husband) personally.  Her hormones are at work and she's just beating her wings; like a baby bird before it flies from the nest.  I keep trying to find a better way for her to "beat her wings" but she feels the safest taking her life out on us.  

Now, I probably made one too many comments about being glad my daughter was going to camp to all who would listen.  In retrospect, that wasn't the nicest thing to say.  I am glad my daughter has had a chance to see the world without our influence.  I am sure she'll come home a changed person, then she'll be sweet for all of one day before she resumes being her old self.  Hopefully I will be able to remember we are her safe place and she'll be grown and leaving home for good before I like it.  I do think she will leave home and not want to be with us forever someday.  She's a very strong person.  That makes me proud!  And she knows I'll always be right here for her, no matter what.  

But, the real point of my writing today is that while out shopping one day I had a friend comment to me, not too long after my daughter went to camp mind you, ...I think her exact words were, "I bet you are having a party now that your daughter is away."  I think it was her tone of voice that angered me.  I responded and said, "You know, I really do miss my daughter." "Oh, I know you do," was her answer.  But again, her tone still didn't seem sincere and I couldn't let it go, "I don't think you really DO know." I harshly said.  She quickly gathered her youngest and made some excuse that they had to run, turned and was gone.  

Again, just yesterday I called my brother and he too made a comment about knowing I must really be insane because of the last e-mail I wrote.  I said something like I really missed my baby and I couldn't wait to go see and get her.  He asked if this was the same kid I couldn't wait to send to camp for a few weeks.  I had to admit to him that I am indeed insane.  But he all ready knew that!  

I did not get upset with my brother.  Instead he made me laugh.  Maybe it was his tone.  Or maybe it is our history.  Or maybe it is our friendship.  Or maybe it is just that I know he cares about me no matter what, because we are family, and family matters.  I know that in my heart, I can say whatever to my brother and he can be a voice of reason for me.  He can be honest and tell me how he feels, but he's still my brother.  I might agree or disagree with him, but he's always going to be my brother.  

My "friends" on the other hand...they need to be careful because they aren't blood.  My real friends cared enough to ask how I was doing or how my daughter was doing.  One even sent my daughter a letter!  They are definitely keepers in my friend pool!  :)