No news...

No news is just no news when you are waiting to hear what is happening to a loved one in the hospital. You wish you could make time speed up, but then again, you think maybe I don't want time to speed up. And the worst part is not being able to do a darn thing except wait.

Patience...I wish I had more, or better handle on my lack of.

I wonder if those closest to the situation really know how much I care or how upset/worried I am. Do they know how much I want to be there to lend support but don't want to over step my bounds or step on their toes? Do they know how much I wish they'd call me several times a day with an update, yet I fear my ringing phone. Do they know how much I feel I need to be strong but don't think I can face death so up close and personal yet? I know I am still dealing with my emotions from last October and November. I really do wish that all the people I know or will come to know never had to die. Wouldn't that make things easier? But life is not easy and it's certainly not fair. We build relationships only to have them succumb to the reality of life and this world. And, I know that those closest to the situation really have no control of things either. They are just closer to the situation and probably feeling just like me.

I need to get out and walk. I will play my music loud and try not to think about my waiting to hear any news. No news also builds patience, I think.