I am thankful, and grateful for my family. This next week starts a time of the year with which in my recent past, I have struggled. As time goes on, I am feeling more excited about the holidays! Still, I am aware that there are triggers in my life. Just 11 years ago on the 22nd, my mom passed away from Brain Cancer; it was also a day on which I was celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary. Daily I think of my mom with joy in my heart, but I was older when she passed, unlike my sister who was still a young adult. My sister was just 26 years old, a few years married and had a one-year old when our mom died. My sister and I talk, and I know she misses our mom a lot. I think about my sister's three children, and all they have missed by their grandma not being around. I do find myself recalling family traditions from my growing up days and I try to share those with my nieces and nephew, as well as with my sister, and my own children. Two years ago it was impossible for me to even think about the holidays. I know that wasn't fair to my own two kids, but emotionally it was just too much for me to handle. As my children grow into young adults, and as I am becoming more distant from my past history, I am finding that I am able to re-invent how WE celebrate the holidays. We are creating our own new, family traditions. We blend traditions from my youth with traditions from my children's life. I am able to choose all those traditions which I have enjoyed. Thanksgiving is now MY holiday. I have claimed it back as a way to help me enjoy life. My sister and her family will come to my house to help continue building our new traditions. I will be in my element as I work in my kitchen to create our feast. We will dine on those traditional recipes that were ours, along with those traditional recipes that my children grew up on. We will play games and laugh. We will play music and dance. We will take pictures and veg-out. We will go to my downtown and be witness to my community coming together to kick-off the Christmas season with the official Canopy of Lights lighting. We will get out my Christmas tree and decorate my house. Just a few years ago I couldn't do this by myself. The life lesson I've taken away here...don't do it alone. Count on others in your life!
Another life lesson, is that we need to be kind to others. We need to be kind not just to those in our community in need, but to our friends, our family, and to ourselves. Heaven knows the holidays are hard, period. Commercialism has made society feel we all need to have the perfect illusion of time spent together: thank you, NOT, Hallmark. But, the holidays are extra hard when one has gone through loss, and everyone knows someone who is dealing with, or has survived loss. One may know loss as death of a loved one or beloved pet, rough spots in a relationship, or divorce. Some people may be dealing with impending loss of life, financial stability, or family members struggling with addiction. When my mom died, it was the day before Thanksgiving in 2006. Thanksgiving and Christmas were surreal that year. Dealing with loss can manifest as depression. Stress compounds feelings, too. As the year is drawing to an end, there are deadlines to complete, mid-year graduations making some wonder what they should be doing next in their life, or stresses in the workplace. Please reach out to your friends and neighbors. Just send hello, or hey, how are you doing? My personal experience has been to hunker down in my house and to wallow in my own sadness instead of reaching out to others. There were times when it was hard to adult, especially when others seem to have it all together and be so happy. Illusion is a powerful weapon. I am happier now, but I do still watch those around me and judge myself against the illusions I see.
Be kind.
Don't feel you have to do something just because it's always been done a certain way. There is joy and power in re-inventing happiness.
Happy Thanksgiving my friends!
~Lisa Kroll
love warrior, sister, friend, etc.
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