Another year older, and wiser...

51.  Yes, it was my birthday this week.

Last year, when I turned the big five-oh, I was in Disney World with my sister.  What an amazing way to ring in a new decade.

This year I decided to go a little more low key.  I decided to sort of let the day come and go as it may.

I was happy when I received a call to sub on my birthday.  The call came a few weeks ago.  I would be hanging out with kindergartner's.  Perfect!

On the night before my birthday I had decided that I really, really, really wanted to wear my flowers from last year on my head.  There is something so feminine about wearing flowers!  Something so outdoorsy!  Something so me!  Could I get away with it?  I'm fifty-one now, should I do it? Or do I need to really grow up?

I decided to go for it!


Because I was subbing in my "home" school, I knew everyone would look at me and just say to themselves, yep, that's Lisa!  Everyone who saw me said, "I like your flowers."  If they didn't all ready know it, I told them, "Thanks!  It's my birthday!"  I'm sure if they hadn't all ready said to themselves, yep, that's Lisa...they did then.

What I am loving about myself and about teaching is that I can embrace my inner fun and share it with others.  Others who can tell me, That's cool!  I want to do that too!  And I hope they will.  Children need to have a safe place in which they can dare to be different.  A place they can find themselves and not be made to feel wrong for being who they are.  I feel a school can be and should be this place.  I hadn't realized that I have a little bit of a free spirit in my soul.  How cool!  How fun! I don't want to be exactly like everyone else.  I want to be me!

I am glad I am on the Eating, Praying and Loving journey while in my fifties.

~Lisa

P.S.  I wore my flowers the entire day!  I wore them while I was subbing, when I went out to eat dinner with my two children, and when I went to my divorce support group meeting.  Although this birthday didn't top last year's Disney trip (honestly, none ever will), it was exactly perfect!

Spring Break in the south...North Carolina

Living in Indiana, the winter weather can be long.  Gray skies tend to be the trend come February.  Our schools take their spring break early, but we all are ready for a little warmth and sunshine.  This year I drove south with my daughter and her friend.  We went to visit family...without the family being there.  What a treat!  Although, with family would have been even better!  Winston was allowed to go, and he was one happy dog.  

At the bottom of the road, there is a stream for splashing.  

Have you seen the movie Deliverance?  Certainly it may have been filmed here.  

Dry Falls

On the walk way to/from Dry Falls, grates...that some dogs do NOT like to step on.
Winston kept trying to walk around these!  

See picture below...

Bridal Veil Falls recently had a rock fall, but one used to be able to drive under them.  

Playing games at the house

On the property, a small, family cemetery.  

A reminder that life is/was short.
1831-1857 and 1838-1875

Infant markers

hard to read, but 1812
which means these people lived here BEFORE Indiana became a state

The sunset...reminds me how much I love Sky Blue

The girls fell in love with this balloon bunny, George.  

 We purposely spent one day climbing a mountain.  WE took the trails.  It took us one and a half hours to reach the top from the parking lot.

One of the vistas

These guys climbed straight up the mountain face.  They told me it took them just over three hours.  They were heading down and then going to come up one more time before calling it a day.  

The ground sparkles due to the Mica content in the soil.  

Survey marker, above sea level

Feeling free!  On top of that survey marker...

Another vista, on the way down

Mom and daughter moment.  Clearly we needed a bigger rock to perch upon.  

Just enough time to put together one puzzle.  

In between our hikes, we shopped, ate out, read books, watched movies, played games, laid out in the sun, and spent the late evening hours hanging out in the hot tub star gazing.

An almost perfect trip!

~Lisa

Thinking...

I am not the same person I was at 20 years of age.
I don't wish to go back there either.

But who is this woman of 50?  Her skin isn't as taunt as it once was, and it seems thinner than she recalls.  Muscles aren't as firm as they used to be.  But she does nothing extra to prevent their lap of shape.  Life keeps her busy.  Life shows it's wear on her body.  Viewing her nakedness, and the mirror is not her friend.  She cannot jump as high as she once could.  Although, honestly, She never measured how how she could jump, so...who knows.

However...

Her life experience is greater now.  She knows how she enjoys spending her time, and the type of person she enjoys being around.  She knows what calms her, what sets her off, what makes her smile, what makes her laugh, what brings her joy, and what makes her heart sad.  She has experienced great loss, but has come through it.  She has wisdom to know that eventually all will be as it should be.  She is a dreamer.  She believes the best in others.  And, she always, always, always looks for the good and the positive.

But, she's not in balance yet.

She's still learning to love herself.

All of herself.

 

Eating, Praying, Loving... part 1 of ?

Always thinking

 What can you do today that you could not do a year ago?

Learning to live in the moment

A year ago, really for most of my life, I could not set boundaries for my emotional self.  I allowed others to enter my life and to emotionally abuse me.  I know that may seem strange because I am a strong person.  I thought that if I made others happy, others whom I loved, it meant they loved me in return.  My inner being was incorrect.  Dare I say wrong?  I am not perfect.  I am learning daily to speak up for myself.  I am learning daily to love myself.  Loving and accepting myself is what allows me to be happy.

I eat, to nourish my physical body.  I pray, to nourish my mental body.  I love, to nourish my emotional body.

A year ago I did not realize how much of a thinker I was.  Or, better said, maybe I did realize it, I just didn't allow myself to trust my own opinions and thoughts.  I find that I enjoy smart conversations with others who challenge my thoughts, but allow me to be entitled to my own opinions.

A part of me is waking up and realizing I am on a journey of self-discovery right now.  School was a wonderful kick-start to prime my brain.  School allowed me to be research topics, state opinions, share with others and be told my thoughts were valid.  If others disagreed with my opinions, I was allowed...no expected, to listen to their reasoning and then respond.  I was respected.

Out loud I will tell you I am looking for my independence.  That I do not need anything from anyone.    I do not want to be saved or protected.  I am discovering me.  I want to enjoy someone else without feeling they need to be my other half.  I am remembering that I am a complete person all ready.

First things first...learn to love thyself.  Do you love yourself?

~Lisa

Note:  The question at the top of this posting is from:  50 Thought Provoking Questions...

Home...

Despite the change is happening in my life, what I have done for the past 22 years holds strong.  

This afternoon, unannounced, both of my children showed up at my place.  We usually do eat together on Sunday evenings, but I hadn’t spoken to either in several days.  In fact, I was thinking, I wonder how long we can go without chatting?  My son will graduate from college in May.  I expect him to fly the coop and live his own life. I do absolutely LOVE sharing time with my children, but I respect their growing up.  

What a treat to have them come see me!  

We ordered pizza, and as we ate my daughter asked my son where he will live next fall if he doesn’t have a set job.  She asked if he will live with me.   He responded, “Probably.”  A little part of me wanted to pipe up and say, ‘Don’t you think you both should ask me?’, but I decided to stay quiet and cherish the moment.  

It warms my heart to know that my children feel they are ALWAYS welcomed in my home.  

Wherever I am 

will be home 

for my children.