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When two people get married, they share so much, and it is understandable that their lives become intertwined. Even the bible defines how deeply this bond will become: ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ ~ Matthew, Chapter 19.
It won't kill you, but it does shatter life.
It may shatter a family, other relation -ships, and traditions. When something shatters one contemplates, is Crazy Glue, or Gorilla Glue best to be used to mend breaks? As with some broken things, sometimes the trash can is the best option. What isn't meant to be, needs to be tossed away, or released so a fresh start may happen.
Shattered.....households.
After my divorce, I made choices that were good for me. I chose to stay in the house I love, my burrow. If you look around, you'd see I haven't changed much there. The house was always a reflection of me. The love that has flowed through my veins, oozes out and fills that space. By choosing to live in the burrow, I chose to have my ex-mil right next door. I accepted, and knew that. I knew I'd have my former family in and out of my space. I didn't realize how challenging it could be at times. Things happen next door and I am not a part of them. Of course. That's how life is after divorce. Things happen in my house too, and my neighbors are not a part of them. Still, it can hurt. Mail arrives at my house with his name on it. Because he changed his physical location, he never has to see my name in his mailbox. Old habits were that my mil could walk right into my house. She continues to bring me mail that gets delivered to her. Even pieces of junk mail, that have his and my name on them. I know she has to accept things he has done. He is, after all, her blood...her son. I am not sure I'll heal enough to mend my relationship with her in this lifetime. I admit, I hold her responsible for raising him to become the person he has become. I am not able to separate her from him.
Shattered ..... friendships.
Social events I used to attend, and be a part of, are no longer in my life. Someone else fills the space I once occupied. I do realize that the community doesn't have to go home with my ex, so it matters not to them if they hang out with him for a few hours. It doesn't matter if he attends these events with me, or with someone new. The community is natural curious. What is she like? Who is this new person who thinks she can fill Lisa's shoes? Maybe the hardest things for me to handle are friend's vocal curiosities. Some have the gall to ask, 'Is he married now (to the woman he left you for)?' Think about that...I am asked about HIS state of affairs? I wonder if he is asked about me? What can the community possibly say to him about me? Hopefully, it says, and he hears again and again and again, "Oh, my gosh, Lisa is AMAZING!! She seems to be thriving more than anyone I have ever seen." I certainly feel I am thriving in most areas of my life. My once contained spirit is feeling comfortable stepping out into the world.
Some moments I wonder,
who is this woman living inside my skin?
Where has she been hiding?
Those moments are getting more frequent, but I do get knocked back down now and again by reality. Once in a blue moon, someone will say to me, "I looked him up on FB." "I saw pictures of...." O.M.G. I don't need to hear this!!!
I wear invisible chain mail over my heart.
I fake being strong better than most anyone knows, but I do have a breaking point. Sometimes, when I am asked certain, thoughtless questions, I wish to just die.
Then I remember,
divorce doesn't kill.
Shattered ..... family traditions and in-law relationships.
Suddenly, children find they need to split their time, or make choices. They know how things have always been and may expect all around to make life seem normal. Life is anything but normal. Former mother-in-laws may act much like children, and hope life can go on as if not much has changed. Divorce changes everything. There is no handbook that states how long it takes for one to get over such a deep hurt.
Feelings ..... shatter, they cannot be collected and mended with glue. Nor can they be tossed into a trash can. My traditions have been shattered. There isn't a glue strong enough to salvage these important parts of my heart. I have had to toss my old life aside. New traditions are emerging. Sometimes parts of those old traditions I have loved, are woven into the new traditions I have started. I suppose that is natural.
Coming off the heels of Thanksgiving, where one should feel thankful for all they have, I sometimes am reminded of all no longer in my life. My parents are gone. My own children are grown and no longer live under my roof. My family by marriage...well, divorce changes everything. I no longer have a place there.
Shattering
draws an image of millions of tiny shards.
But shards,
when looked at in the right light
twinkle brighter
than the object they formerly formed.
My heart knows I sparkle more now than I ever did. I feel there might be a super nova beneath my surface. I wonder if 2017 will be the year it is released?
~Lisa Kroll, eating, praying and loving
...always thinking about life
and finding beauty in the thinking and in life in general
Blogging music: Home Alone - Soundtrack (1990) by John Williams
