the waiting game...

Well, now we are playing the waiting game. After today mom will have only 10 more treatments. Then the moment of truth...CT scan.

Life feels like it's at a standstill right now. Things are going on around me, but I don't want to acknowledge them too much. Last night I was on my front porch watching the hummingbirds come to my feeder...if I were in my mom's shoes maybe this would be the last year I could watch hummers. I watched the bumblebees buzzing in and out of my spirea...could be the last time I note them. A lightning bug came up from the bushes as the sun was setting....it's all very sad and I am not ready to be sad again yet.

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Last Sunday my sister was visiting mom. She told me she got into a fight with Art on Saturday night. He's limiting mom's nausea pills because they are expensive. She's suppose to take a pill every six hours as needed...he's only giving her 1/2 of a pill. I guess they cost $30.00 a piece.

I'm mad at Art right now because at the end of May when I was visiting he commented that he's so tired of sleeping with someone who keeps waking up and getting sick. I discovered about a month before that Mom and Art have seperate rooms at home. Since she's been taking Chemo he's been sleeping with her at Grams house. What a jerk. I wish I could think of a roundabout way to remind him of his wedding vows.

When I last visited mom, I took my kids up. Art was happy I was there. He said I could sleep with mom, he needed a break. I wish I felt more compassion for him and could understand his thoughts a bit more. I don't. I keep my thoughts to myself. It's probably better that way.

Time to call mom and rejoice that there are only 1o more treatments after today for her.