Shut Up and Dance With Me!

Today's music:
Shut up and Dance by Walk the Moon from their Talking is Hard  album

If you ask me how I am,
my answer will be a very short,
"Fine."

When I say that, you need to know
I am lying.

I will hold back.

I am too scared to bare my heart.
I would rather listen to others, than talk.  
I really need to be prodded, and prodded, and prodded.

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 Trust - noun

1. 1. 

   firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

   "relations have to be built on trust"

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I do not recall how to do this any more.  

It's not that I cannot trust.  

I am a very trusting person who just happens to be at a point in her life where she is too scared to risk telling someone about herself.  

Do they really want to know?  

I mean, honestly, do they???  

Do they care?  

I am not prefect.  

In fact, I am flawed.  

But I hope eventually to heal.  I hear that in order to truly heal, I need to risk.  I have also been told that only by risking will I be able to find love again.  

------------------------------

Other people are better at risking and trusting.  

I listened to a friend describe jumping out of airplanes. OMG!!!!  Totally cool, yet totally insane...yet totally cool!  Listening to him talk...the confidence literally oozes out of him.  Swagger, without arrogance.  He is self-assured.  I realize a part of makes him so confident is his life background experiences.

He went through four hours of training before his first jump.  After that, he was ready to risk and tandem jump with an instructor.  Really, I'm envious and find that amazing.  He was able to listen to someone for such a short amount of time and totally put his trust in them.  (Envy.)  Since his first jump, he has returned to jump again and again...each time becoming more confident, so he is a solo jumper.

He trusts himself.  Hmm.  I know I'm healing daily.  I really do hope I can someday allow myself to trust again and allow someone to get close to me.

Tonight's music:  David Garrett: He's A Pirate...listening to his whole album, self-titled.  

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Dreamy Voice...Pure Imagination!

Oh my! (Listen here)

Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of pure imagination
Take a look
And you'll see
Into your imagination

We'll begin
With a spin
Traveling in
The world of my creation
What we'll see
Will defy
Explanation

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world?
There's nothing to it

There is no
Life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there
You'll be free
If you truly wish to be

If you want to see magic lands
Close your eyes and you will see one
Want to be a dreamer, be one
Anytime you please and please save me one

Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of pure imagination
Take a look
And you'll see
Into your imagination

The is no
Place to go
To compare with your imagination
So go there
To be free
If you truly wish to be

Living there
You'll be free
If you truly wish to be


In my ears...a deep, melodious, wonderful voice.  Am I  too much of a dreamer?  I can feel his voice wrap around me.  Penetrating my soul.  Holding me.  Making me feel as if no one else exists.  I just purchased Josh Groban's latest CD, Stages.


"Le Temos Des Cathédrales"...from Notre-Dame de Paris is now playing...

...and now he's singing in another language!  Holy Crumbs!  I know EXACTLY how Jamie Lee Curtis' character, Wanda, feels in A Fish Called Wanda.  I'm totally smitten!  Lost in the music.  Lost in his voice!  There may be no hope for me.  LOL!

Honestly, It's amazing.  And should Josh Groban show up and start serenading me, I would totally fall at his feet.  I'd be a puddle.  Be still my beating heart!  Dreamy voice.  Adorable messy, curly locks.  Dark, playful eyes...with or without his glasses.  Is 34 too young for a 51 year old!?   :)   Don't answer that.

Back to "Pure Imagination"....the CD starts out with that song, from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Segue with me...best flavor of Dum-Dum...

Root Beer or Butterscotch? 

Both are sweet.  One is made of creamy butter and brown sugar.  The other, rich sassafras, with cinnamon and vanilla to round it out.  Plus just enough wintergreen oil to give it a crisp edginess to it's taste.  

Do you have an opinion?  Please comment below.  

My opinion:  I can tell you this, I now own a new wonderful CD that I can play in my future classroom...and I love both flavors!  Win, Win, Win.  

~Lisa 

Music...How it Heals Me

I have rediscovered music.  Pop music.  

I have always retreated to classical music as a my refuge.  I find classical music to be extremely soothing.  But there is also something so healing in music that has lyrics.  Listening to what an artist is saying can touch ones soul.  I suppose it's like reading poetry; it can make one feel connected, not alone.  Life has me isolated at times.  The weekends are my loneliest parts of the week.  I have actually stopped... and listened to music.  

It's no secret that I love the lyrics and music of Katy Perry.  She has truly touched my spirit.  I am positive she has experienced some of the same emotions that I have experienced.  Several female artists have made my playlist.  Sarah Bareilles, Selena Gomez, Colbie Caillat, and finally Taylor Swift round out my current tribe of musicians.  

The songs they sing are actually empowering.  Anti-bullying.  Self affirming.  Healing.  Filled with learning to love again.  Loving.  Going through loss.  But mostly about loving oneself.  Acceptance.  

I am a hopeless romantic.  When you read my playlist, I am sure you will feel the songs I have chosen are about relationships.  I suppose they are.  But listen closely to the lyrics of the songs on my playlist and you will see they can be interpreted in more than one way.  I am in a stage right now where I relate all they lyrics to learning to love myself once again.  

Listen to Katy Perry's Double Rainbow from her Prism album.  Is it really talking about finding someone else?  Or is it about finding oneself?  I think it is about believing in yourself after being told you are worthless.  Maybe that's my take since I was emotionally abused.  I was two people. Part of me was the person others in public would see.  The super mom.  The lady who could and would organize birthday parties, neighborhood potlucks, PTO events, etc.  The backbone of our family: chef, buyer, chauffeur, etc. But behind closed doors I was told I wasn't enough. I tried to reach a perfection that never existed.  Today, I am loving me. I am learning to trust my own judgements.  I am believing in myself again.  I smile a lot. I feel like I am radiating my happiness. Go.  Listen to Double Rainbow!  Think of me.  When I watched KP's video I almost sensed she found herself too.  

*****

This week I cannot get enough of Taylor Swift's Clean from her 1989 album.  I believe the rain that came down in her song refers to tears.  In order for me to have been able to breathe again, I needed to grieve. Tears have helped me heal.  As the days pass, I am feeling more clean.  


~Lisa   

For fun...here is what's on my Girl Power! playlist:  

Opus No. 1 Tim Carleton & Darrick Deel

Style Taylor Swift

Sugar Maroon 5

Bailando (English Version) Enrique Iglesias…with friends!

Mysterious Ways U2

Just the Way You Are Bruno Mars

Everybody Talks Neon Trees

Lips Are Movin Meghan Trainor

Just Dance Lady Gaga Feat. Colby O'Donis

Take On Me a-ha

Classic MKTO

Uptown Funk (feat. Bruno Mars) Mark Ronson

Gang of Rhythm Walk Off the Earth

The Geeks Will Inherit the Earth I Fight Dragons

Shake It Off Taylor Swift

Something That I Want (perf. by Grace Potter)

The Lion Sleeps Tonight Lebo M

Girls Chase Boys Ingrid Michaelson

Boys Boys Boys Lady Gaga

Counting Stars OneRepublic

Titanium (feat. Sia) David Guetta

I'm Yours/Somewhere Over The Rainbow Straight No Chaser

Brave Sara Bareilles

All of Me The Piano Guys

Let It Go Idina Menzel

Love Is an Open Door Kristen Bell & Santino Fontana

Firework Katy Perry

Pose Stefanie Scott & Carlon Jeffery

Calling All the Monsters China Anne McClain

I Choose You Sara Bareilles

After The Rain Has Fallen Sting

Somebody That I Used to Know Walk Off the Earth

Try Colbie Caillat

All About That Bass Meghan Trainor

Call Me Maybe Carly Rae Jepsen

Bloody Well Right Supertramp

Brand New Day Sting

By The Grace Of God Katy Perry

Cinema Paradiso Joshua Bell;Josh Groban

Come Talk To Me Peter Gabriel

Dreamer Supertramp

Ghost Katy Perry

Hakuna Matata Nathan Lane, Ernie Sabella, Jason Weaver & Joseph Williams

He's A Pirate (" Pirates Of The Caribbean") David Garrett

Hey Ya! OutKast

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For U2

I'm Yours Jason Mraz

International Smile Katy Perry

Kiss That Frog Peter Gabriel

Let's Get it Started Black Eyed Peas

Let's Go The Cars

Livin' La Vida Loca Ricky Martin

Love Me Katy Perry

Magic The Cars

My Best Friend's Girl The Cars

Nothing Else Matters David Garrett

Part Of Me Katy Perry

Pearl Katy Perry

Pride (In The Name Of Love) U2

Radio Beyonce

Roar Katy Perry

Royals Lorde

Satellite Guster

Shake It Up The Cars

Single Ladies Beyonce

Someone That I Used to Know Gotye

Spiritual Katy Perry

Steam Peter Gabriel

This Is How We Do Katy Perry

Unconditionally Katy Perry

Walking On Air Katy Perry

When Will My Life Begin (perf. by Mandy Moore as Rapunzel)

Who Says Selena Gomez & The Scene

Wide Awake Katy Perry

(I've Had) The Time of My Life Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes

Happy (From "Despicable Me 2") Pharrell Williams

Scream Louder (Flyte Tyme Remix) Michael Jackson

I've Done Everything For You Rick Springfield

Human Touch Rick Springfield

Christmas Wrapping The Waitresses

Names and Emoji's.....

Welcome to the 21st Century!  

Dysfunctional
(adj)  deviating from the norms of social behavior in a way regarded as bad.

Text-chatting with my siblings tonight and the word dysfunctional came up.  I do not think we are dysfunctional.  In fact, I think the opposite.  I think many families would be jealous of the ease we share with one another.  

Our conversation tonight was a simple one:

Bean :

Did you both get a print of my kids wearing yellow?  I have some at home and can't remember!

My Other Brother, Larry:

I don't recall seeing that one in my house.....I think I saw it online 😀 (Smile face)

Bean :

Oh poo!  I'll pop it in the mail! 

My Other Brother, Larry:

Not a problem 

Bean :

I think Lisa got hers for her birthday!

My Other Brother, Larry:

Yeah.....I understand she's the favorite 😜 (Smile face with tongue hanging out)

Bean :

She's getting old.  I'm just nice to her so she remembers who I am as she ages

My Other Brother, Larry:

I'll give you that one!

Lisa :

jerks

yes I got one, I am the favorite.  But I’m everyone’s favorite.  😊 (Smile face)

My Other Brother, Larry:

Eh?

Bean :

Eh.  At least you know we are thinking about you 

Lisa :

I am getting old.  

Respect your elders

My Other Brother, Larry:

We all are

Lisa :

I’m young at heart though

My Other Brother, Larry:

I'm just immature

Keeps me from growing up

Lisa :

😊 (Smile Face)

Bean :

Lol

Lisa :

Love you both.  And your families as well.  

My Other Brother, Larry:

Same.....

Bean :

Love you guys too!!  XO

Gotta pack!  I'm going to -------- tomorrow!!

My Other Brother, Larry:

 ---------?  Enjoy 

Be safe

Lisa :

Godspeed Bean!  😊 (Smile face)

(I ❤️ that word!)

My Other Brother, Larry:

Bean?

Bean :

Yeah.  Bean.  Where you been?  

Or should I say, "where ha bean?"

LarryO

My Other Brother, Larry:

Yeah, now you have crossed the line

Lisa :

Little, Little Larry-O.  

You sort of need to yodel it, Bean

Like Larry-he-ho

Bean :

Oh good!  I'll try that next time!

My Other Brother, Larry:

A vision I don't need to think of is you two yodeling

Lisa :

I’m crying from laughing!

My Other Brother, Larry:

Picturing alpine outfits

Lisa :

Are we swedish?

in your image I mean

My Other Brother, Larry:

This is getting weird!

Bean :

Getting?  

We've always been

Lisa :

still crying from laughing

My Other Brother, Larry:

Weird is good..... Dysfunctional is the new normal

Lisa :

😊 (smile)

I need to walk my pooch!  Night you two!  Signing off…Lisa the Pizza-Pie

Bean :

👍 (Thumbs up)

My Other Brother, Larry:

Enjoy your evenings!  😍 (Smile face with heart eyes)

Lisa :

laters!

My Other Brother, Larry:

😈 (Devil smile face)

Bean :

😇 (Angel smiley face)

My Other Brother, Larry:

👹 (wild thing head)

👀 (pair of eyes)

Lisa :

👯 (Dancing twins, who look to be wearing  Mickey Mouse ears)

Bean :

That is so weird

My Other Brother, Larry:

🍪(cookie)

🍸(martini)

Lisa :

I know.  It cracks me up!

Bean :

🐽 (pig nose)

Lisa :

🎮 (Old  NES hand control)

Bean :

🍟(French Fries, from   McDonalds)

🍙 (food item?)

What is this? 🍙🍘(two different food items???)

My Other Brother, Larry:

💊(Pill)

Lisa :

🍖(Dog bone wrapped in ? chicken???)

Bean :

💠 (blue diamond like flower???)

Lisa :

is this a candy wrapper or a dog bone wrapped in something?  

My Other Brother, Larry:

🚫(No sign, like do not enter)

Bean :

And what's the point of this!??🔵🔴⚪️⚫️◼️◻️◾️◽️▪️▫️🔲🔳⚫️⚫️ (Circles, Squares, etc)

My Other Brother, Larry:

🈸🈵🈁🈹💹🈲🈯️ (Chinese symbols)

Bean :

We are having entirely too much fun with emotions.  

My Other Brother, Larry:

And I mean it

Lisa :

📺📻📷📹🎥⏰retro stuff (old TV, Radio, Camera, Video Camera, 8mm camera, clock)

Bean :

We ARE weird! 😜 (Smile face with tongue out)

Lisa :

I need to blog about this. 

You have both been warned

Help me with a title. 

For my post

My Other Brother, Larry:

🍩 (doughnut)

Bean :

I gotta go  (finding suitcase emoticon...)

Lisa :

Laters!!!  Still need a post title. 

Bean :

✈️ (airplane)

Lisa :

Then blogging

Bean :

🚅 pretty sure this is a monorail

Just sayin

Lisa :

I thought that too

Should be purple

or not

Bean :

Night!!!! XO 😋😜(two different smile face with tongue out)

Lisa :

Laters!!!

My Other Brother, Larry:

🐄💩 (cow, pile   of poop  with  a  smile  face  on  it)

Ciao

Did you notice we digressed at some point?  Emoji's took over.  Have you ever really looked at all those?  What are some of those supposed to be?  When would one ever use some of those?  I can't figure it out. Seriously, the retro ones I posted mean that there is a generation who knows what those are supposed to be AND has jumped into the 21st century.  Baby Boomers who have embraced technology.  

                                                         ••••••••

Growing up, I was blessed to have an extended family filled with cousins. We all have/had nicknames.  I know my brother and I decided on our sister's nickname, but how we got ours?  I do not know.  I was Lisa, The Pizza Pie. My brother was Larry-O (a.k.a. Little Larry, after our father).  My sister, the baby...Eileen, the Bean.  No one, save us, is allowed to use those names. Those are ours.  Our tie to our parents, and to our shared past.  Once in awhile my cousins, the older ones, will call me Pizza.  They are also allowed. 

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My Latest obsession:  Taylor Swift's album 1989

Have listened to every song on that album over and over and over in the past 24 hours.  I've had the CD for weeks, but really just listened to it all.  IT'S GREAT!!!  She is one talented lady.  

Tonight:  Wildest Dreams (click here to hear it)...LOVE IT! 
                              lyrics click here
My regret is that I cannot sing.  I do, but...I am a teacher, not a singer.  I know my limitations.  Thank goodness for closed doors and windows.

Living in the Moment...Wishing Upon a Star

Happiness.  Sometimes we just fail to open our eyes and look, even when it is within our grasp.  I fear, that I have given the impression that I am stuck in an unhappy rut.  While I am sort of in that rut, I also feel like I am close to the edge of climbing out and getting back on sure-footed, happy ground.  

In an attempt to focus my thoughts, and climb farther out of that rut...I offer the universe some of my happy memories and thoughts.  

Growing up: B.E.  Before Eileen.  

I was blessed to be born into a family with two parents who loved not only each other, but their children.  My family regularly did things together, especially on the weekends.  We were campers.  We started out as a family of tent campers.  I grew up around a campfire on the summer weekend nights.  Eventually, our love of camping led us to a pop-up trailer, and with that came adventures!  

The way my memory recalls it, the first summer we owned the trailer, we became acclimated to our new, upscale life.  There was a routine to pulling into a campsite.  Everyone had jobs that needed to be done before solo exploration could happen.  Clearly Dad would have the job of backing the trailer into position.  Mom had the job of making sure she guided dad into the correct spot.  I recall whenever they reversed this job...things didn't go as smoothly.  Once the trailer was in place, the blocks holding the tires in position needed to be set, as did the piece of wood to level the trailer.  Trailer set up included the ends needed to be pulled out, the top raised, electrical cords unwound, stretched out, and plugged in. Patio lights strung, laundry lines set between two trees, kindling gathered, food unpacked, beds made, and the lawn chairs set out.  Everyone had their jobs, and we all worked together.  Rain or shine, we camped.  

Starting in summer number two as pop-up trailer campers...  Our best trips with the trailer included two-week summer adventures: to Yellowstone, to Niagara Falls and Canada, and to Key West, Florida.  I recall being wide-eyed, amazed and awed as I looked upon Mount Rushmore, felt the spray of the falls on my face, saw Old Faithful erupt on schedule, visited Disney World for the first time (where I heard about Walt's future "world" to be called E.P.C.O.T - Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow), played in the snow of the Rockies while in my shorts, visited the Coors plant when Coors beer was only sold west of the Mississippi, and wondered what made the Badlands of South Dakota so bad.  

I learned how to play Euchre while camping, and I had the best partner.  Dad and I would take on my mom and brother.  When our years of traveling with the camper ended, our card playing continued.  Our neighborhood was prone to frequent power outages, and they seemed to always fall on Friday or Saturday nights.  When playing by candle light, I still always had the best partner!  

When I was 15, my parents sat my bother and I down.  They had something to tell us.  The next summer, we would be getting an addition to the family.  Apparently I was to blame.  All the prayers I had said, the ones where I asked God for another brother or sister, were finally being answered!!!  

Life was changing.  But our family love just grew deeper and stronger.  

It is this love, the family love I grew up with which I can not, and do not want to let go.  It lingers in the fibers of my very being.  I am forever grateful to have my sister and my brother.  

Recent Past:  25 years, give or take

As I spread my wings and flew from my childhood home, I wanted to take what I grew up with and plant my own seed/s of love in the world.  I wanted to watch my seeds grow and bloom.  

As I look at my own two children, I know I have done exactly what I had dreamed of doing.  That warms my heart.   

I am grateful that I have been able to share adventures with my children.  I am happy that I took them to San Diego and walked on the west coast with them.  That I took them to the top of the arch in St. Louis.  That I took them to Chicago, Cincinnati and Indianapolis for weekend and day trip get-aways.  I am happy that I was able to be available for them, and their friends as they grew up.  I am happy that I am talented enough to sew Halloween costumes, to make dinners and deserts that spoil them, that I insisted they do the summer reading programs at the library and then would spend many evenings being the one who read stories out loud to them.  I am grateful that they love Harry Potter, Lego's and Mario as much as I do.  I feel blessed that I have been able to skip, while holding their hands and singing along to Disney songs while at Disney World, and that I have experienced the magic of Disney with them as well.  

Today:  The past two years, or so

Today I am happy for me.  Simply me.  I am excited about what my future holds.  I am proud that I decided I wanted to go back to school to get my masters and that I did.  I am excited that I have an opportunity to do something that I love, which is to teach.  I am excited to continue exploring the world around me, being awed and amazed by it and then being able to bring it, along with my joy, into my classroom.  But, I am still young.  I still have love to share.  I want to plant more seeds.  I still have time to watch the new love I share grow and bloom. Watch out my friends!  I just might have to share my love with you!  

~Lisa, formerly known as Hootie

Post Midnight....

A treat from me to me today

I was talking with a friend, and telling her how challenging life is right now.  How so much is going to change and that I'm a little scared, nervous and sad.  

She reminded me that the things that have changed are actually inside me and those things will never be lost.  Wise words.  She's right.  

No settling.  Mourning is normal and needed in order to move forward.  

-----

Self discoveries:  
Loving these songs right now...Taylor Swift's Style, Maroon 5's Sugar and Enrique Iglesias' Bailando.  

Need to listen to them at full volume, and over and over, and over. 

Grateful for...Friends, new and old.  They keep my perspective in focus.  At 51 you'd think I could do this on my own!!!  

When the Clock Strikes Midnight...

As a little girl I dreamt of being a princess.  

That meant I would someday find my prince charming, be a wife and a mother.  I grew up clouded by images set up by the fairy tales I read and by Disney.   

Here's how the story goes:  Rags to riches.  Good girl.  Trouble enters her life.  She is smart and strong, but she needs her prince charming to complete her.  HE needs to rescue her from whatever that trouble might be.  In return, she lives happily ever after by managing his castle and his offspring. 

A rather simple dream.  

I've lived my dream.  Now my clock has struck midnight.  

In a few months time I will be back in my rags.  Gone will be my nice, big house...the one with the kitchen that I designed.  Gone will be the security of my familiar neighborhood...where my neighbors all keep an eye on me.  Gone will be the days where I can go to the store and purchase whatever my children and I need, without worry of where the money is coming from.  I'm sure I'll be able to afford the basics...I'll have a place to call my own.  But, will I be able to afford cable?  My smart phone?  Any extras?  

What outsiders don't see, is that daily I am challenged to hold my head up and be tough.  I am reminded that I did make choices that played into how my life has turned out.  I take ownership in that.  This just sucks.  Each day that I receive a paper in the mail from the court, it is a visual reminder of my being discarded.  Of my serving my purpose.  I've been handed my pink slip.  

A former princess.  I grew up without much, and I know how to do without.  I just need time to adjust.