Talked with my mom today. She had her head over a can, feeling ready to get sick once again. She has no energy. She's tired of being sick. She actually got away from Grandma's house on Sunday and didn't go to a radiation treatment or blood test. She rode as a passenger to my sister's, an hour away. She said she couldn't recall how to get from Grams to the toll road. I tried to reassure her that her brain has been through a lot.
She still has little control over her bladder and bowels.
This cancer sucks. Another week until mom's MRI. I feel so helpless. I can't even imagine what is going through my mom's head. Part of me doesn't even want to know how things are and the other part of me wants to know right now. Even knowing what change my ability to do something.
I feel so frustrated and sad. I am sure depression is mixed between my frustration and sadness. I keep trying to keep busy so I won't think about my mom's situation. Then guilt takes over. I mowed our grass this morning and I feel guilty because I could mow the grass.
Life is not fair. I wish it was next Tuesday.