I just found out today that a cyber aquaintance of mine who had GBM like my mom passed away on March 11th. I am so sad for his family.
I can imagine being in his wife's shoes - we are probably about the same age. Yet, I can't quite imagine being his wife. I know what this disease can do to people. How strong she must be to have witnessed and weathered Glioblastoma Multiforme. It steals from us who must go on, emotionally. It tires us out and makes us wish for things we know are inevitable. We don't want our wishes to happen, but we do, how torn this disease makes us. I wanted the end for my mom, but I wasn't ready even when that moment came. If it was my husband, I would be so lost. With my situation, I had my family to come back to. My heart is breaking for this wife I don't even really know. She's too young to have lost her partner.
I know what it's like to be a child and lose a parent to GBM. Quite frankly, it stinks. Did I tell her I loved her enough? Did I make her comfortable enough? Did she know it was me? Was there more I could have done?
And then there is the wonder...the doctor told me the chances of me getting this disease are practically nil, but what if? I am her flesh and blood. I have inherited lots of other things from both my parents. How can the doctor be sure? What if? What if? What if? It's too scary.
Life is too short. We do need to live each day to it's fullest. Being sad is part of the process of grieving - this I know. Those who have gone before us would want us to enjoy the time we have here.
Everyday I am trying to see God around me. Today I am seeing the change of seasons. New flowers are blooming and the sun is shining. I think I saw a smile in the little yellow crocus at my lawns edge. It's telling me to LiveStrong.
I need a bit more time to heal. I am working on it though. I hope my cyber aquaintences family will be able to smile again soon as they recall the fun and love they shared.