...random thoughts, opinions and secrets on children... aging... cooking... crafts... nature...divorce...second chances...
and whatever else I deem curious...
~Copyright 2017. Hootie~

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Entitlement, Money and Greed...or True Colors

Wow. I have spent the past few weeks in a sad, verbal battle with the baby of the siblings. She has said some very hurtful things.

The bottom line is that she feels entitled to more than my brother and me. She told me LEGALLY she didn't have to do anything, but nice her had our mom's IRA split three ways; she could have taken it all. And, I should be grateful for getting something from my step-dad's will because he didn't even intend to leave me anything. AND, this is the kicker, luckily for my brother and I (as far as our relationship with her is concerned) our mother lived longer than 30 days past our step-dad. Although his will contradicts itself in three places, he stipulates if our mom doesn't live 30 days past him things should go to mom's minor child. Did I mention that Art wrote his will when my sister was like 9 years old? She's going to be 27 in two months. Luckily for my brother and I, mom lived 31 days. My sister said, and I quote, "And, if mom had died one day sooner, Art's entire estate would have been going to me. Then you really would have hated me - what would I have done then? Sincerely, I don't know. I'm glad mom waited one more day so I wouldn't have had to make those decisions."

It's her 'SINCERELY, I DON"T KNOW.' line that's killing me. A few weeks ago when she told me she was taking the stock I did tell her I was shocked and that from where I stood it looked like she was being a spoiled brat. She was the one who took mom in her final days to have her will re-written and came out of the deal with mom's car (all else was to be divided equally). She was the only one "allowed" with a key to the house per the estate attorney (so she said), she has been taking things left and right out of the house - way more than my brother or I. But, we did say take what you need, we are older and our households are more established. This additional, "I'm taking this stock" seems over the top. Why is she doing this? If she was intending to take this all along then why wasn't she more forthcoming? She also recently told me she thought I was being 'silly willing to lose my sister over $23,000.00' and in the end I would have "plenty of money" anyway.

My sister blindsided me during my spring break when she told me she intends to fully take one of Art's stocks. In January she had told my brother and I that the attorney she has been working with said Art's will was contradictory to itself and that the best and easiest thing to do was to transfer everything into mom's estate and then split it three ways. Why the change? Or was there never a change, she just wasn't speaking the truth? Do I trust her now? No. Do I think there is trouble in her paradise? Absolutely.

Back when our mom was dying, and I mean she literally only had a few more days left, my sister's husband was putting a lot of stress on her. He told her he felt neglected. He missed the old Eileen. AND, I know they were feeling financially in a crunch. Now the gravy train has stopped from my mom for my sister. Death obviously makes it hard to personally buy things for others. The gravy train has a finite amount of dollars still in it. I think within the year it will be dry. What will my sister do then? How long will her marriage last? She's pregnant with her second child. If her husband was feeling neglected when her mother was dying how do you think he's going to feel with two children now? I think my sister will end up alone and then my grandmother will say, 'poor Eileen, life has been so unfair to her.' And then Grandma will end up footing her bill. I hope my aunt and uncles are wise to this. My sister's head is still full of hateful comments my mom and grandma said over the years about my mom's siblings. My sister also acts a lot like my mom and grandma...if you don't do things the way they think you should you are a bad person.

Looks like my sister's true colors are showing. Looks like she's going to have a difficult road ahead of her. Life lessons are not fun to learn. How unfortunate for her that she hasn't been able to really grow on her own. How sad to be 27 and still so dependent on others. How sad to be so hurtful.

Will her comments to me fade away? Probably not as rapidly as she would hope.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

It's always warm by my birthday...

My birthday just happened on March 23rd. I like to start saying "It's always warm by my birthday" to my husband in late January. Every year he gets to tell me that I am crazy and it will not be warm. I persist and say, it will be and I can and will be wearing shorts.

When we were first married I was usually right. Of course I was warmer blooded then and would wear long pants only from Thanksgiving until March 1st.

Living in Southern Indiana doesn't assure one of warm temperatures in late March.

This year the weather is cooperating with me though. I am wearing my shorts. The grass is green and the daffodils, hyacinths and crocus are blooming. The Bradford pear trees have busted out of their protective flower buds and are turning white and showy. My house windows are open, the heat has been off for a week and we even have slept with the windows opened at night. It's currently 81 wonderful degrees.

I am realistic and know it is still early spring. Cooler weather will be back. I doubt it will snow any more, but I am still in Indiana. Anything is possible.

What great birthday weekend weather. Thank you angels above for smiling down on me with the warmth and sun. :)

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Another loss...but another angel above...

I just found out today that a cyber aquaintance of mine who had GBM like my mom passed away on March 11th. I am so sad for his family.

I can imagine being in his wife's shoes - we are probably about the same age. Yet, I can't quite imagine being his wife. I know what this disease can do to people. How strong she must be to have witnessed and weathered Glioblastoma Multiforme. It steals from us who must go on, emotionally. It tires us out and makes us wish for things we know are inevitable. We don't want our wishes to happen, but we do, how torn this disease makes us. I wanted the end for my mom, but I wasn't ready even when that moment came. If it was my husband, I would be so lost. With my situation, I had my family to come back to. My heart is breaking for this wife I don't even really know. She's too young to have lost her partner.

I know what it's like to be a child and lose a parent to GBM. Quite frankly, it stinks. Did I tell her I loved her enough? Did I make her comfortable enough? Did she know it was me? Was there more I could have done?

And then there is the wonder...the doctor told me the chances of me getting this disease are practically nil, but what if? I am her flesh and blood. I have inherited lots of other things from both my parents. How can the doctor be sure? What if? What if? What if? It's too scary.

Life is too short. We do need to live each day to it's fullest. Being sad is part of the process of grieving - this I know. Those who have gone before us would want us to enjoy the time we have here.

Everyday I am trying to see God around me. Today I am seeing the change of seasons. New flowers are blooming and the sun is shining. I think I saw a smile in the little yellow crocus at my lawns edge. It's telling me to LiveStrong.

I need a bit more time to heal. I am working on it though. I hope my cyber aquaintences family will be able to smile again soon as they recall the fun and love they shared.

Saturday, March 03, 2007


Yesterday I met with a therapist.

I told her all about last year. In the end, her jaw was on the floor. She said that just by my mom dying that was more than enough to go through.

Her advice is that I am fine. I am normal. I just need to give myself time and keep talking about my feelings.

All things I all ready knew. I just needed that reminder that I am okay.

Last night I dreamt about my grandma. She gave me a really big book. On one side of the book there was a bible. On the other side there was a bunch of family history. It was a strange dream. I haven't spoken to my grandma in a week. I do need to hear her voice. I know she has been really sad with the loss of my mom. Truthfully, I will be surprised if she can make it through the next year. I was very surprised that she made it through my mom's birthday.

Today would have been my mom and dad's 45 wedding anniversary. It's the first anniversary they have been together in 21 years. Wow. I bet there is a big celebration going on in heaven today.